1. "I need to get organized." No! Don't get organized is your first step.
2. "I need to be hyper-organized." I fully appreciate the pleasure of having a place for everything, and perhaps counter-intuitively, I believe it’s easier to put things away in an exact place, rather than a general place (“the third shelf of the coat closet,” not “a closet.”) However, this impulse can become destructive: if you’re spending a lot of time alphabetizing your spices, organizing your shoes according to heel height, creating eighty categories for your home files, etc., consider whether you need to be quite so precisely organized. I find this particularly true with toys – I’ve spent hours sorting pretend food, Polly Pockets pieces, and tea sets, only to find everything a jumble the next day.
3. "I need some more inventive storage containers." See #1. If you get rid of everything you don’t need, you may not need any fancy containers.
4. "I need to find the perfect recipient for everything I’m getting rid of." It’s easier to get rid of things when you know that you’ll be giving them to someone who can use them, but don’t let this kind intention become a source of clutter, itself. I have a friend who has multiple piles all over her house, each lovingly destined for a particular recipient. This is generous and thoughtful, but it contributes mightily to clutter. Try to find one or two good recipients, or if you really want to move your ex-stuff in multiple directions, create some kind of rigid system for moving it along quickly.
5. "I can’t get rid of anything that I might possibly need one day." How terrible would it be if you needed a glass jar and didn’t have one? Do you have gigantic stores of things like rubber bands or ketchup packets? How many coffee mugs does one family use?
6. "I might get that gizmo fixed." Face it. If you’ve had something for more than six months, and it’s still not repaired, it’s clutter.
7. "I might learn how to use that gizmo." Again, face it. If you’ve had a gizmo on the shelf for a year, and you’ve never used it to make gelato or label a sugar jar, it’s clutter.
8. "I might lose a ton of weight and then I’d fit into these clothes again." If you lose a bunch of weight, you’ll want to buy a new pair of jeans, not a pair you bought seven years ago.
9. "I need to keep this as a memento of a happy time." I’m a huge believer in mementos; remembering happy times in the past gives you a big happiness boost in the present. But ask yourself: do I need to keep all these t-shirts to remind me of college, or can I keep a few? Do I need to keep an enormous desk to remind me of my grandfather, or can I use a photograph? Do I need fifty finger-painted pictures by my toddler, or is one enough to capture this time of life? Mementos work best when they’re carefully chosen – and when they don’t take up much room!
10. "I need to keep this, because the person who gave it to me might visit my house and be hurt when it’s not on display." Is that person really likely to visit? Is that person really likely to remember the gift? Will the person really be upset by the lack of viewing of the gift?
11. "If I have any available space, I should fill it up with something." No! One of my Secrets of Adulthood is Somewhere, keep an empty shelf. I know where my empty shelf is, and I treasure it.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Loneliness Test
Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. The book underscores the conclusion that few things will challenge your happiness more than loneliness.
Without thinking it through, I’d assumed that being lonely would make people warmer, more eager for connection, and more accepting of differences in others. If you’re lonely, you’re going to be open to making friends and therefore more easy-going, right?
To the contrary! It turns out that being lonely has just the opposite effect:
--Loneliness “sets us apart by making us more fragile, negative, and self-critical.” (174)
--“When people feel lonely they are actually far less accepting of potential new friends than when they are socially contented.” (180)
--“Lonely students have been shown to be less responsive to their classmates during class discussions, and to provide less appropriate and less effective feedback than non-lonely students.” (181)
--“When people feel rejected or excluded they tend to become more aggressive, more self-defeating or self-destructive, less cooperative and helpful, and less prone simply to do the hard work of thinking clearly.”(217)
--Bonus loneliness tidbit: “People with insecure, anxious attachment styles are more likely…to form perceived social bonds with television characters.” (258)
Loneliness makes us so anxious and worried about rejection that it distorts our thinking and our behavior.
This argument supports the arguments against the two most pernicious happiness myths: Happiness Myth #1—Happy people are annoying and stupid and Happiness Myth #10—It’s selfish to try to be happier. Cacioppo and Patrick make the convincing case that socially contented people (a/k/a happy people) tend to be kinder.
The obvious next question is, “Well, I’m lonely, and I’m not happy. What do I do now?” Loneliness didn’t address that question, alas.
The book includes a quiz so you can score yourself on the UCLA Loneliness Scale. I scored a 36, where a score lower than 28 is low-loneliness; above 44 is high-loneliness; and 33-39 is the middle of the spectrum.
Without thinking it through, I’d assumed that being lonely would make people warmer, more eager for connection, and more accepting of differences in others. If you’re lonely, you’re going to be open to making friends and therefore more easy-going, right?
To the contrary! It turns out that being lonely has just the opposite effect:
--Loneliness “sets us apart by making us more fragile, negative, and self-critical.” (174)
--“When people feel lonely they are actually far less accepting of potential new friends than when they are socially contented.” (180)
--“Lonely students have been shown to be less responsive to their classmates during class discussions, and to provide less appropriate and less effective feedback than non-lonely students.” (181)
--“When people feel rejected or excluded they tend to become more aggressive, more self-defeating or self-destructive, less cooperative and helpful, and less prone simply to do the hard work of thinking clearly.”(217)
--Bonus loneliness tidbit: “People with insecure, anxious attachment styles are more likely…to form perceived social bonds with television characters.” (258)
Loneliness makes us so anxious and worried about rejection that it distorts our thinking and our behavior.
This argument supports the arguments against the two most pernicious happiness myths: Happiness Myth #1—Happy people are annoying and stupid and Happiness Myth #10—It’s selfish to try to be happier. Cacioppo and Patrick make the convincing case that socially contented people (a/k/a happy people) tend to be kinder.
The obvious next question is, “Well, I’m lonely, and I’m not happy. What do I do now?” Loneliness didn’t address that question, alas.
The book includes a quiz so you can score yourself on the UCLA Loneliness Scale. I scored a 36, where a score lower than 28 is low-loneliness; above 44 is high-loneliness; and 33-39 is the middle of the spectrum.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Avoid Being A Tired Ass
Feeling energetic is a key to feeling happy. Studies show that when you feel energetic, you feel much better about yourself. On the other hand, when you feel exhausted, tasks that would ordinarily make you happy—like putting up holiday decorations—make you feel overwhelmed and blue.
Maybe you should try these strategies:
1. Exercise—even a quick ten-minute walk will increase your energy and boost your mood.
2. Listen to lively music.
3. Get enough sleep. If the alarm blasts you out of a sound sleep every morning, you’re not getting enough—and it matters. (Here are some tips for getting good sleep.)
4. For some people, taking a 10-30 minute nap is a big help. I can’t nap, myself, but my father has been known to take three naps in one day.
5. Act energetic. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up. Also, because the way we act influences the way we feel (to an almost uncanny degree), by acting energetic you'll make you feel more energetic.
6. Talk to friends. I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling low, and then run into a friend on the street, I walk away feeling much more energetic. Reach out if you need a boost. This is true for introverts and extroverts alike.
7. Get something done. Crossing a nagging chore off your to-do list provides a big rush of energy. For a huge surge, clean out a closet. You’ll be amazed at how great you feel afterward.
8. Do NOT use food. It’s tempting to reach for a carton of ice cream when you’re feeling listless, but in the end, all those extra calories will just drag you down. In general, be wary of the urge to treat yourself when you're feeling low.
Energy (or lack of energy) is contagious. If you feel energetic, you’ll help the people around you feel energetic, too. And that makes them feel happier.
Maybe you should try these strategies:
1. Exercise—even a quick ten-minute walk will increase your energy and boost your mood.
2. Listen to lively music.
3. Get enough sleep. If the alarm blasts you out of a sound sleep every morning, you’re not getting enough—and it matters. (Here are some tips for getting good sleep.)
4. For some people, taking a 10-30 minute nap is a big help. I can’t nap, myself, but my father has been known to take three naps in one day.
5. Act energetic. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up. Also, because the way we act influences the way we feel (to an almost uncanny degree), by acting energetic you'll make you feel more energetic.
6. Talk to friends. I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling low, and then run into a friend on the street, I walk away feeling much more energetic. Reach out if you need a boost. This is true for introverts and extroverts alike.
7. Get something done. Crossing a nagging chore off your to-do list provides a big rush of energy. For a huge surge, clean out a closet. You’ll be amazed at how great you feel afterward.
8. Do NOT use food. It’s tempting to reach for a carton of ice cream when you’re feeling listless, but in the end, all those extra calories will just drag you down. In general, be wary of the urge to treat yourself when you're feeling low.
Energy (or lack of energy) is contagious. If you feel energetic, you’ll help the people around you feel energetic, too. And that makes them feel happier.
Promises In The Dark By:Keri Hilton
Listen…
Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do, really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore, than you believe it
Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Listen…
I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent
Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t care if you’re lying a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong
Then what took you so long, took you so long
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do, really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore, than you believe it
Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Listen…
I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent
Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t care if you’re lying a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong
Then what took you so long, took you so long
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Monday, November 2, 2009
Forever Love
There it is clenched between my broken hands, as if it were really a remanent of you, as if it will vanish if I loosen my grasp. Hoping to smell your sweat if nothing else. Wishing that it may bring back the piece of my heart it stole when you left. I try so intently to remember what I never wanted to forget. Your voice. Your smile. Your being that radiated passion. You were so very real, and I know you were.
Then I glance upon the dirty, withered adornment I have burried in my arms, I see a statement so simple but stronger than rushing waves. What does this mean? Why did you wear this? Maybe for another time to ponder. Maybe for a better time to miss you. How can I comprehend that forever never ends and thats how long you'll be gone?
Then I glance upon the dirty, withered adornment I have burried in my arms, I see a statement so simple but stronger than rushing waves. What does this mean? Why did you wear this? Maybe for another time to ponder. Maybe for a better time to miss you. How can I comprehend that forever never ends and thats how long you'll be gone?
Strength and Weakness
My emotions are clotting behind each other and the pressure builds daily. Unspoken guilt teases my tounge in attempt to escape. For what would seem to be raw fear would present the fact I'm too weak to taste the barrel of a gun. Yet from a different perspective I find myself too strong to give into that same weakness. I feel like I'm balancing over the edge of a great fall. I thought I had finally harnessed my life, but the stitching is growing anemic. The fibers of my sanity, growing anemic.
I stop to try and intellectualize my predicament, fingernails grinding up under my teeth, foot steadily tapping, eyes intent. What is this scramble of words I have vomited in an action to untangle some of my emotions.
I just seem to draw a blank.
I stop to try and intellectualize my predicament, fingernails grinding up under my teeth, foot steadily tapping, eyes intent. What is this scramble of words I have vomited in an action to untangle some of my emotions.
I just seem to draw a blank.
Truth Without Doubt
Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
I don't want to mask my eyes from what is true. I sometimes feel like I subconsciously stop myself from thinking past what I want to. I know that I can walk around believing whatever I want. Truly, believing anything and everything I have been taught, or that I have come to believe. Never thinking that, in the midst of my undeniable logic, I can still be completely deceived. You don't believe in hell, because your afraid of the thought that it might be real. Will the only time you realize your wrong be when your burning in it? If so, thats too late. Just because I do or don't believe something means nothing. My opinions don't put a dent in a fact. They don't put a dent in anything. Not opinionated facts, or scientific facts. Only real facts. How or where can you possibly find out what is what? What is really true.
He is not a man, that he should lie.
I don't want to mask my eyes from what is true. I sometimes feel like I subconsciously stop myself from thinking past what I want to. I know that I can walk around believing whatever I want. Truly, believing anything and everything I have been taught, or that I have come to believe. Never thinking that, in the midst of my undeniable logic, I can still be completely deceived. You don't believe in hell, because your afraid of the thought that it might be real. Will the only time you realize your wrong be when your burning in it? If so, thats too late. Just because I do or don't believe something means nothing. My opinions don't put a dent in a fact. They don't put a dent in anything. Not opinionated facts, or scientific facts. Only real facts. How or where can you possibly find out what is what? What is really true.
He is not a man, that he should lie.
If you loved me to..
I wish I had said what was hanging off the tip of my tongue. Fidgeting incessantly, my mind abrading a solid decision. There we were, curled up on that old over sized bed, degenerating into time. The Television's constant light, with a distinct luster, danced across our faces as we sat there together, my stupid shows looping over and over. I really felt this eagerness to tell you what would seem like, a ridiculous proposition. I didn't see the relation between the unspoken, and the immediate atmosphere. It's irrelevant, "I know it". I watched water droplets form tiny streams about the outside of your water mug sitting on the table. My fingers coiled into yours, our hearts allied, your smile was a reaction to mine. I was to focused on that to tell you the thing that would have saved you. The thing that would have saved us. The thing that would have held my hand when yours was gone, the thing that would have cloaked me when I was shorn of my comfort. I never told you. I never thought, I never knew. I wish that time wouldn't drag me on to my death, but it would let me go back to you. Just for a moment. I'd give anything, for a moment. You will always be my everything, and without you, nothing matters. And I am without you, now. My body will never be with yours again, but our souls have become one, I will forever feel the constant tug to draw me back to you. I'm not lying when I say that I love you and it would ease the pain if you loved me to.
How you feel
Right now I'm only a drop in a bucket. I'm here, but I'm not here. I'm in this world, but I'm not in your world. I'm alive, but inanimate on your radar. My life is only worth what you think it is, not what I make it. You're the one who stamped a price on my forehead, according to the way a present myself to society. My title weighs more in gold then my very life. Hang me from your scales, and let frivolous averages swarm around and tear my flesh from its bones. darling, why can't you see that there is more underneath these clothes than meat. Your criticism left prints around my throat, scars I get to bare forever.
You say I wear them well? Thanks for that.
You say I wear them well? Thanks for that.
Travelin' Man
I have no clue what I'm going to do.
You know how it feels to figure out what you're supposed to do,
With no clues.
No senses.
Its like telling a blind man to look for the big bright yellow sign, "you can't miss it!"
Well, I'm the blind man, mind you. And the world is screaming colors at me.
I understand that feelings don't matter.
I understand dog eat dog and all the delicious gruesome details in between.
I understand that every creature has to kill to survive.
Just how many more people do I have to crush in order to get somewhere?
I don't like the idea that we can't work together to build a future, but we have to fight to see who gets whats best.
I have to just live life, swimming in mistakes.
Scratch that, I can't swim. Drowning in mistakes...
Looking for substance in whatever I can.
I have so many problems I can't even began to describe.
I just have to ignore the ones I can, and deal with the ones I can.
You know how it feels to figure out what you're supposed to do,
With no clues.
No senses.
Its like telling a blind man to look for the big bright yellow sign, "you can't miss it!"
Well, I'm the blind man, mind you. And the world is screaming colors at me.
I understand that feelings don't matter.
I understand dog eat dog and all the delicious gruesome details in between.
I understand that every creature has to kill to survive.
Just how many more people do I have to crush in order to get somewhere?
I don't like the idea that we can't work together to build a future, but we have to fight to see who gets whats best.
I have to just live life, swimming in mistakes.
Scratch that, I can't swim. Drowning in mistakes...
Looking for substance in whatever I can.
I have so many problems I can't even began to describe.
I just have to ignore the ones I can, and deal with the ones I can.
Tomorrow Is Not Today
i guess when i sit here, i expect great words to drip
from my mind and rush to form something extravagant
and great. i wonder how the letters i squish together,
to create statements, are actually perceived.
i'm always thinking my grammar is never quite right
and i put commas in every illegal place.
i wonder if everyone is as finicky as me, and if they
look past my words to tackle my mistakes.
i just want to be a brilliant writer.
but i'm not sure that i'm even slightly close to it.
my arms are always stretched out, fingers reaching for perfection relentlessly.
at the same time, my mind is always reminding me that there is no such thing.
my heart wants to pour out hot gossip going on between my soul and intellect.
spill it like fresh blood on the page where my art is born.
i don't know who or what it is that gets my heart cranking but it is, indeed.
it's gonna blow and i know it.
splashing emotions and secrets across a screen
only to wipe them all up and take the right back in
like they had never been sprawled out all over the page.
i feel different. i think i want something more. i don't care Whos reading.
i'm piercing through yet another slick encasement and emerging as something more brisk, more honest.
i'm not sure what it is yet. but its intriguing and i like it.
from my mind and rush to form something extravagant
and great. i wonder how the letters i squish together,
to create statements, are actually perceived.
i'm always thinking my grammar is never quite right
and i put commas in every illegal place.
i wonder if everyone is as finicky as me, and if they
look past my words to tackle my mistakes.
i just want to be a brilliant writer.
but i'm not sure that i'm even slightly close to it.
my arms are always stretched out, fingers reaching for perfection relentlessly.
at the same time, my mind is always reminding me that there is no such thing.
my heart wants to pour out hot gossip going on between my soul and intellect.
spill it like fresh blood on the page where my art is born.
i don't know who or what it is that gets my heart cranking but it is, indeed.
it's gonna blow and i know it.
splashing emotions and secrets across a screen
only to wipe them all up and take the right back in
like they had never been sprawled out all over the page.
i feel different. i think i want something more. i don't care Whos reading.
i'm piercing through yet another slick encasement and emerging as something more brisk, more honest.
i'm not sure what it is yet. but its intriguing and i like it.
Judy Garland on Love
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Sarcasm and Defensiveness
Here's the thing, when you are asked a question, respond with an honest answer. I have found that people when they are lying usually do one of two things, act sarcastic or get defensive then get mad and you have a fight. Truth is if they just responded without being hostile or a smartass, there would be no fight. For example a friend of mine when asked a question, for example, "Did you fuck so and so?" they would reply with a "Yeah,a nd like 10 other people at the same time." That was his way of not lying, but making you feel stupid for asking and getting around the question. Secondly, being defensive, if there is no problem then why blow up on someone and yell at them about how they are crazy and you can't believe them etc. Again, this is a tactic to avoid a question and make the other person out to be a bad guy. Sometimes people do act that way and aren'tlying,but when they have developed a habit of using those tactics to get out of unwanted questioning you always assume they are lying when they do it. SO helpful hints: Don't do anything you don't want to answer for or you feel you'd have to lie about. Secondly, don't ever lie in the first place. It creates uneeded strain on a relationship and makes your partner feel betrayed and unloved.
Tips To Fighting Right
Almost all couples fight; the secret is to fight right. Here are some phrases that actually help.
Say something like “I need you to listen. This is important to me.”
Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated. [Always, my craving for gold stars!]
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Let’s take a break for a few minutes. [If you can remember to do this, it’s extremely effective – especially if you’re having a big fight. After a break, it’s almost impossible to go back to yelling.]
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Say something like “I need you to listen. This is important to me.”
Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated. [Always, my craving for gold stars!]
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Let’s take a break for a few minutes. [If you can remember to do this, it’s extremely effective – especially if you’re having a big fight. After a break, it’s almost impossible to go back to yelling.]
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Happiness Quotes
"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
Four Truths
First: To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
~William Butler Yeats. “Happiness,” wrote Yeats, “is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
Third: The days are long, but the years are short.
Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
~William Butler Yeats. “Happiness,” wrote Yeats, “is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
Third: The days are long, but the years are short.
Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
Out Here On My Own
I'm trying to find something to base my life upon,
Something in this strange world that goes on and on.
As the years go by and time fades away,
What used to be “good days” are now filled with dismay.
Tomorrow comes, and then again, it goes,
And my ambition to become something more, grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
The life I want now, gets closer each day.
All I've ever wanted was something to live for,
I don't want to be this little person anymore.
I've been basing my life upon what others think,
I wish I could go back and redo everything, every time an eye would blink.
I've fought to become who I am and what I want to be,
I have to remind my self that one day, I will be free.
Free from the rules I followed as a child,
When everything was a game and life was so mild.
Now times have changed and I realize nothing is fair,
And sometimes it seems like nobody even cares.
It's like no one pays attention to what I feel is best for me,
And what I think about the way some things should be.
I understand now, that I'm pretty much on my own,
And I know a lot of what I can do will never be known.
All the time, I think about everything I can't say, what I have to keep in,
And by doing this, my thoughts only get more complicated and deepen.
Soon I hope to find out who I am, and what I am meant to become,
I want to know where I'm going, I don't need to be reminded of where I came from.
Something in this strange world that goes on and on.
As the years go by and time fades away,
What used to be “good days” are now filled with dismay.
Tomorrow comes, and then again, it goes,
And my ambition to become something more, grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
The life I want now, gets closer each day.
All I've ever wanted was something to live for,
I don't want to be this little person anymore.
I've been basing my life upon what others think,
I wish I could go back and redo everything, every time an eye would blink.
I've fought to become who I am and what I want to be,
I have to remind my self that one day, I will be free.
Free from the rules I followed as a child,
When everything was a game and life was so mild.
Now times have changed and I realize nothing is fair,
And sometimes it seems like nobody even cares.
It's like no one pays attention to what I feel is best for me,
And what I think about the way some things should be.
I understand now, that I'm pretty much on my own,
And I know a lot of what I can do will never be known.
All the time, I think about everything I can't say, what I have to keep in,
And by doing this, my thoughts only get more complicated and deepen.
Soon I hope to find out who I am, and what I am meant to become,
I want to know where I'm going, I don't need to be reminded of where I came from.
10 Worst Mistakes To Make In A Relationship
Relationships are not great all the time, but there are things that you can do to avoid a disaster in yours. If you want to see that person for a long time, then you will have to follow a few tips on what not to do in your next relationship.
1. The Ex Factor
You will not be able to start a new relationship if you are still not over your last one. Ex's can ruin a really great thing, if you let them. Not to mention you should not be leading anyone on if you still have feelings for an ex. It starts the relationship off rocky, and it will not last.
2. The Big Three Words
Do not rush into saying I love you. Even if you feel it right away, it does not mean that you are ready to say it. You will probably scare them off, even if they feel the same way. Let the relationship blossom naturally. You will find the right time to say it, and it will be special. First, you need to keep them around long enough to say it.
3. Avoid Jealous Situations
We are all jealous at times. If it not over your bosses new car, then it is the fact that your boyfriend has an eye for blonds. It may make you really mad, but try to stay calm. Jealousy is something that you must work on. A little later in the relationship you can tell him it bothers you, but hey we are all human. It is not like he is asking for her number or anything. It shows you have confidence in yourself.
4. Never Cheat
This truely fucks things up. You can forgive cheating because people do it for different reasons, but it always hurts and it's never right to do no matter how you justify it. If you find yourself in a situation, talk to your partner.
5. Avoid Dwelling
By this I mean you cannot dwell on the past, or make assumptions about the future. Live in the present day, and do not take them for granted. If you are too worried about what might happen, or blame them for what has, you will never have the successful relationship that you are looking for in life. Live everyday like it is your last together; this will make you truly appreciate each other.
6. Friends Do Not Let Friends Run Relationships
Yes of course they are your friends, but that does not mean they have a say in what happens between you and your partner. Do not talk badly about their friends and hopefully they will have the same respect for you. You have to be careful not to lose your relationship with your friends as well. Relationships are time consumers, but your friends should always be able to rely on you.
7. The Change Issue
Never try to change who your partners is. That is why you fell in love with them, so why would you want to change them. It is not your responsibility to change them. If they do need to change, they have to do it on their own, so do not even try.
8. The Communication Key
Communication is the key to the success of any relationship. You must be prepared to tell them what is on your mind, and expect just that in return. If you do not, you will slowly notice the relationship start to deteriorate. Many people think communication is not a necessity, but it surely is if you want the relationship to last.
9. The Blame Game
Avoid blaming each other for problems that exist in your relationship. Really it is both of your problems, because you are a couple. You should be there for each other though the hard times, not constantly pointing fingers at each other. Any problems you have should be faced together. Why would you be together if you treat aspects of your life as a single person.
10. Do Not Feel It Anymore
Do not worry, this happens to a lot of people. However, you cannot lead them on any longer, or make them think that you are still in love. Sometimes when you are together, and you are strong in the beginning, then you will notice that the love will fade. Now of course do not think just because you are having a hard time, it does not mean that you are not in love anymore. Make sure your feelings are completely gone, before you make any rash decisions.
So there you have it. These 10 mistakes will leave your relationship empty, and eventually the relationship will end as a result. If you notice you are doing a few of these things, then try to change your behavior before it is too late. Trust me, I am the king of learning from mistakes.
1. The Ex Factor
You will not be able to start a new relationship if you are still not over your last one. Ex's can ruin a really great thing, if you let them. Not to mention you should not be leading anyone on if you still have feelings for an ex. It starts the relationship off rocky, and it will not last.
2. The Big Three Words
Do not rush into saying I love you. Even if you feel it right away, it does not mean that you are ready to say it. You will probably scare them off, even if they feel the same way. Let the relationship blossom naturally. You will find the right time to say it, and it will be special. First, you need to keep them around long enough to say it.
3. Avoid Jealous Situations
We are all jealous at times. If it not over your bosses new car, then it is the fact that your boyfriend has an eye for blonds. It may make you really mad, but try to stay calm. Jealousy is something that you must work on. A little later in the relationship you can tell him it bothers you, but hey we are all human. It is not like he is asking for her number or anything. It shows you have confidence in yourself.
4. Never Cheat
This truely fucks things up. You can forgive cheating because people do it for different reasons, but it always hurts and it's never right to do no matter how you justify it. If you find yourself in a situation, talk to your partner.
5. Avoid Dwelling
By this I mean you cannot dwell on the past, or make assumptions about the future. Live in the present day, and do not take them for granted. If you are too worried about what might happen, or blame them for what has, you will never have the successful relationship that you are looking for in life. Live everyday like it is your last together; this will make you truly appreciate each other.
6. Friends Do Not Let Friends Run Relationships
Yes of course they are your friends, but that does not mean they have a say in what happens between you and your partner. Do not talk badly about their friends and hopefully they will have the same respect for you. You have to be careful not to lose your relationship with your friends as well. Relationships are time consumers, but your friends should always be able to rely on you.
7. The Change Issue
Never try to change who your partners is. That is why you fell in love with them, so why would you want to change them. It is not your responsibility to change them. If they do need to change, they have to do it on their own, so do not even try.
8. The Communication Key
Communication is the key to the success of any relationship. You must be prepared to tell them what is on your mind, and expect just that in return. If you do not, you will slowly notice the relationship start to deteriorate. Many people think communication is not a necessity, but it surely is if you want the relationship to last.
9. The Blame Game
Avoid blaming each other for problems that exist in your relationship. Really it is both of your problems, because you are a couple. You should be there for each other though the hard times, not constantly pointing fingers at each other. Any problems you have should be faced together. Why would you be together if you treat aspects of your life as a single person.
10. Do Not Feel It Anymore
Do not worry, this happens to a lot of people. However, you cannot lead them on any longer, or make them think that you are still in love. Sometimes when you are together, and you are strong in the beginning, then you will notice that the love will fade. Now of course do not think just because you are having a hard time, it does not mean that you are not in love anymore. Make sure your feelings are completely gone, before you make any rash decisions.
So there you have it. These 10 mistakes will leave your relationship empty, and eventually the relationship will end as a result. If you notice you are doing a few of these things, then try to change your behavior before it is too late. Trust me, I am the king of learning from mistakes.
Friday, October 30, 2009
HIM
I'm not one to really care what you say.
Unless I care about you to start with.
Say what you will, I'll hear it, but I won't feel it.
I couldn't feel anything before...
I can feel one thing now.
Nothing ever seems to get past my barriers.
My walls are high.
But his words pried past my scars and went straight to dig into the only soft spot I have left.
Trust.
He is like Delilah.
So seductive and appealing, He makes it so easy to give in.
You know you shouldn't, you know he'll hurt you.
But you can't get past the way he sways along, the way his eyes promise you everything is going to be fine,
if you just reach out and touch him.
He'll demolish your heart. He has no mercy.
And like a fool, you go after him and his luminous beauty.
And he goes after your life source. Your heart.
He crushed me.
And I always somehow find the strength to come crawling back.
With a sliver a life, inching along in the direction of death.
Tears were like long lost friends and suppressed memories.
Wrapped up in everything you tried to leave in your past.
But like a parasite, they always find a way to come back and eat at you.
Like now.
They're no longer decaying in the dark cavities of your mind.
They're free, but they cling to you, they don't want to go back.
I'm not anything or anyone anymore.
I'm the cloak of anatomy to an under baring infestation of death.
I'm the aspect shielding frivolous anguish.
I'm the face of everything you don't want.
I'm an example of everything that could go wrong.
I'm God's lost lamb.
Left as Satan's play thing.
He instructed me not to trust in men, in people.
I should have listened.
Unless I care about you to start with.
Say what you will, I'll hear it, but I won't feel it.
I couldn't feel anything before...
I can feel one thing now.
Nothing ever seems to get past my barriers.
My walls are high.
But his words pried past my scars and went straight to dig into the only soft spot I have left.
Trust.
He is like Delilah.
So seductive and appealing, He makes it so easy to give in.
You know you shouldn't, you know he'll hurt you.
But you can't get past the way he sways along, the way his eyes promise you everything is going to be fine,
if you just reach out and touch him.
He'll demolish your heart. He has no mercy.
And like a fool, you go after him and his luminous beauty.
And he goes after your life source. Your heart.
He crushed me.
And I always somehow find the strength to come crawling back.
With a sliver a life, inching along in the direction of death.
Tears were like long lost friends and suppressed memories.
Wrapped up in everything you tried to leave in your past.
But like a parasite, they always find a way to come back and eat at you.
Like now.
They're no longer decaying in the dark cavities of your mind.
They're free, but they cling to you, they don't want to go back.
I'm not anything or anyone anymore.
I'm the cloak of anatomy to an under baring infestation of death.
I'm the aspect shielding frivolous anguish.
I'm the face of everything you don't want.
I'm an example of everything that could go wrong.
I'm God's lost lamb.
Left as Satan's play thing.
He instructed me not to trust in men, in people.
I should have listened.
Rela-Fucking-Zations:Tap Into Your Own Source of Love, Happiness and Respect
Rela-fucking-zations:
"We're only as good at loving and being happy with someone else to the extint that we love and are happy with oursleves."
"Self -Appreciation is different than Self-Centeredness."
~Ask yourself what would you do if someone was coming over. Would your house be chatic, would you look like a slob?"~
~~~You are the ONLY person who knows what you need from a lover. Don't listen to anyone else on this. Listen to yourself. You may be suprised~~~
" Your problems must be faced by you and you alone."
~All advice in the world won't help unless you find your own balance first.~
"The saner you get, the fewer people there are to talk to."
CHOOSE A PATH AND STICK TO IT!!! WHO ARE YOU?
Romans 7:15~ "I cannot even understand my own actions. I do not know what I want to do, but only what I hate.
"The hardest thing for people to give up is their suffering." ~Buudha
"Happiness is the least and best of human attainments." ~Frank O-Hara
Schedule time with yourself for God's sake, life is not all about the rest of the world. You decide what you want to do.
" Don't see being by yourslef as being alone."
"Lovers don't finally meet, somewhere they are in each other all along." ~Rumi
THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS!!!
You are the master of your own thoughts.
"All That We Are Is A Result of What We Have Thought."~Buddha
Secret Shifters:
1. Beautiful Memories
2.Future Events
3.Funny Moments
4.A Person You Love
5. Favorite Music/Movies
"We're only as good at loving and being happy with someone else to the extint that we love and are happy with oursleves."
"Self -Appreciation is different than Self-Centeredness."
~Ask yourself what would you do if someone was coming over. Would your house be chatic, would you look like a slob?"~
~~~You are the ONLY person who knows what you need from a lover. Don't listen to anyone else on this. Listen to yourself. You may be suprised~~~
" Your problems must be faced by you and you alone."
~All advice in the world won't help unless you find your own balance first.~
"The saner you get, the fewer people there are to talk to."
CHOOSE A PATH AND STICK TO IT!!! WHO ARE YOU?
Romans 7:15~ "I cannot even understand my own actions. I do not know what I want to do, but only what I hate.
"The hardest thing for people to give up is their suffering." ~Buudha
"Happiness is the least and best of human attainments." ~Frank O-Hara
Schedule time with yourself for God's sake, life is not all about the rest of the world. You decide what you want to do.
" Don't see being by yourslef as being alone."
"Lovers don't finally meet, somewhere they are in each other all along." ~Rumi
THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS!!!
You are the master of your own thoughts.
"All That We Are Is A Result of What We Have Thought."~Buddha
Secret Shifters:
1. Beautiful Memories
2.Future Events
3.Funny Moments
4.A Person You Love
5. Favorite Music/Movies
Making Myself Better In A "Crisis"
1. Remind Myself It Could Be Worse- Making a downward comparision by comparing my situation to others or by thinking what could have happened puts my problems into perspective and lets me see how small they really are.
2. Remember My Body- Taking a 20 minute walk outside or dancing will boost my energy and dissolve stress. Watch what I eat and how much I sleep. When I'm anxious its easy to stay up all night crusing the internet and eating ice cream and that makes me feel worse in the long.
3. Do Something Fun-I need to majorly distract myself from stress and re-charge my emotional batteries with an enjoyable experience. I need to watch a funny movie, listen to my favorite music or work, not dwell on the stress.
4. I Need To Take Action-If I'm in a bad situation, I need to take steps to bring about change. I need toask myself," What exactly is the problem?"
~Triggers~ When I get angry I need to sit and think what caused me to get upset.
This does two things: It interrupts the downward spiral of emotions.
Secondly, if I identify the trigger, each subsequent time I will see it sooner and sooner until eventually it has no power over me.
5. I Need To Look For Meaning-I need to reframe an event to see the postives along with the negatives. Maybe getting fired leads me to move to the city I really wanted to live in. Maybe getting cancer strangthens your relationship with your friends and family. I dont need to be thankful for something bad, but I can see that even a catastrophic event has a silver lining.
6. Spend Time With Friends and Family- Strong social relationships are a key to happiness and when you have great friends and a great family, you never have to handle anything alone, but it also gives you the oppurotunity to help others not just ask for help and to have fun without worrying about my troubles.
7. Make Something Better-If something in my life has gotten worse, I need to make something else in my life better, and it doesn't have to be something important. I could clean a closet,organize pictures, cam, write do whatever. I want to not focus on my problems.
8.Think Of Ways To Help Others-it doesn't even have to be something personal with a friend, it can be as simple as giving away things to a charity.
2. Remember My Body- Taking a 20 minute walk outside or dancing will boost my energy and dissolve stress. Watch what I eat and how much I sleep. When I'm anxious its easy to stay up all night crusing the internet and eating ice cream and that makes me feel worse in the long.
3. Do Something Fun-I need to majorly distract myself from stress and re-charge my emotional batteries with an enjoyable experience. I need to watch a funny movie, listen to my favorite music or work, not dwell on the stress.
4. I Need To Take Action-If I'm in a bad situation, I need to take steps to bring about change. I need toask myself," What exactly is the problem?"
~Triggers~ When I get angry I need to sit and think what caused me to get upset.
This does two things: It interrupts the downward spiral of emotions.
Secondly, if I identify the trigger, each subsequent time I will see it sooner and sooner until eventually it has no power over me.
5. I Need To Look For Meaning-I need to reframe an event to see the postives along with the negatives. Maybe getting fired leads me to move to the city I really wanted to live in. Maybe getting cancer strangthens your relationship with your friends and family. I dont need to be thankful for something bad, but I can see that even a catastrophic event has a silver lining.
6. Spend Time With Friends and Family- Strong social relationships are a key to happiness and when you have great friends and a great family, you never have to handle anything alone, but it also gives you the oppurotunity to help others not just ask for help and to have fun without worrying about my troubles.
7. Make Something Better-If something in my life has gotten worse, I need to make something else in my life better, and it doesn't have to be something important. I could clean a closet,organize pictures, cam, write do whatever. I want to not focus on my problems.
8.Think Of Ways To Help Others-it doesn't even have to be something personal with a friend, it can be as simple as giving away things to a charity.
Dealing With Unappreciation
1. Do It For Myself-For a long time, I self-righteously have told myself I made certain efforts for "us." While it sounds good it leads to bad results, because I sulk when someone doesn't appreciate my efforts. Instead I should do it for myself. This sounds so selfish, but in fact its less selfish,because it means I am not dependent. No one else has to notice.
2.I need to find ways to reward myself- If other people aren't giving me credit, I can always give it to myself and by rewarding myself, again, I am taking care of myself and not being dependent.
3.Express my affection for what other people do-One good rule for happiness is that if I want people to act a certain way then I should act that way towards them. Also, if I push myself to feel greatful for what other people do then I am reminding myself how much they do for me and it eases resentment.
2.I need to find ways to reward myself- If other people aren't giving me credit, I can always give it to myself and by rewarding myself, again, I am taking care of myself and not being dependent.
3.Express my affection for what other people do-One good rule for happiness is that if I want people to act a certain way then I should act that way towards them. Also, if I push myself to feel greatful for what other people do then I am reminding myself how much they do for me and it eases resentment.
What I Should Do To Make Friends.
I need to make myslef more likable. No, I can't make someone like me, but I can behave in a way where it is a lot more likely. I want to feel like people enjoy being with me and seek my friendship. Having close relationships is one of the meaningful elements to happiness.
1. I need to smile-Studies show that how much you smile during a conversation directly impacts how friendly you are perceived to be. As well as, people mimic the expressions they see conciously or subconciously. So if I smile, I am more likely to be smiled at.
2.Be Easily Entertained, Impressed, and Interested.-Most people get more pleasure out of wowing you than from being wowed by you.
3. Have a Friendly Engaged Demeanor Towards People- I should turn my body towards them, face them, nod and act interested not only physically but with words, I have a bad habit of not listening, scanning the room or turning away. I should use eye contact and care what they are saying but not be overly talkative about what they are saying.
4. Remember Trait Transfer- In "trait transfer" whatever you say about other people influences how people perceive you. I'll admit I'm a bitch and the first one to find something I don't like about someone and by saying it or acting put off by the person I am influencing them to feel the same about me as well as the other people around. If I describe my friends as brilliant and wonderful my new acquaintance will associate me with those qualities. If I describe them as obnoxious or make fun of people then those negative traits will stick with me. So I should always watch what I say.
5. Laugh At Myself-I can not take a joke. I get so offended and start spouting off insults most of the time. Showing vulnerability and a sense of humor however would make me a lot more likable and approachable. However, I shouldn't push this self-deprecation too far or I'll make others uncomfortable. Its hard to respond and like someone who doesn't like themselves at all.
6.Radiate Energy and Good Humor- Because of the phenomenon of emotional contagions people catch the emotions of others and they prefer to catch upbeat energetic moods instead of destructive or depressing ones or anger. Even though I pride myself on my cynicism, biting humor and general edginess these qualites can be conveyed with warmth. My ex is the greatest at smiling and dissing you and no one ever gets mad, because its funny when you say it with a smile.
7. Show My Liking For Another Person-We are much more apt to like someone if we think that person likes us. I need to look for ways to signal that I enjoy someones company. Even a genuine sounding,"Hello" could change things.
8.I need to Remember Peoples Names and What They Tell Me-Studies show that we decide how close our friendships will be witha new aqcuaintance within the first ten minutes of meeting them.
1. I need to smile-Studies show that how much you smile during a conversation directly impacts how friendly you are perceived to be. As well as, people mimic the expressions they see conciously or subconciously. So if I smile, I am more likely to be smiled at.
2.Be Easily Entertained, Impressed, and Interested.-Most people get more pleasure out of wowing you than from being wowed by you.
3. Have a Friendly Engaged Demeanor Towards People- I should turn my body towards them, face them, nod and act interested not only physically but with words, I have a bad habit of not listening, scanning the room or turning away. I should use eye contact and care what they are saying but not be overly talkative about what they are saying.
4. Remember Trait Transfer- In "trait transfer" whatever you say about other people influences how people perceive you. I'll admit I'm a bitch and the first one to find something I don't like about someone and by saying it or acting put off by the person I am influencing them to feel the same about me as well as the other people around. If I describe my friends as brilliant and wonderful my new acquaintance will associate me with those qualities. If I describe them as obnoxious or make fun of people then those negative traits will stick with me. So I should always watch what I say.
5. Laugh At Myself-I can not take a joke. I get so offended and start spouting off insults most of the time. Showing vulnerability and a sense of humor however would make me a lot more likable and approachable. However, I shouldn't push this self-deprecation too far or I'll make others uncomfortable. Its hard to respond and like someone who doesn't like themselves at all.
6.Radiate Energy and Good Humor- Because of the phenomenon of emotional contagions people catch the emotions of others and they prefer to catch upbeat energetic moods instead of destructive or depressing ones or anger. Even though I pride myself on my cynicism, biting humor and general edginess these qualites can be conveyed with warmth. My ex is the greatest at smiling and dissing you and no one ever gets mad, because its funny when you say it with a smile.
7. Show My Liking For Another Person-We are much more apt to like someone if we think that person likes us. I need to look for ways to signal that I enjoy someones company. Even a genuine sounding,"Hello" could change things.
8.I need to Remember Peoples Names and What They Tell Me-Studies show that we decide how close our friendships will be witha new aqcuaintance within the first ten minutes of meeting them.
Tips For Being More Light Hearted
1.Atleast once a day I need to make my partner laugh.
2.Song. Its hard for me to sing and be grouchy.
3.Get More Sleep.
4.Wake up before my partner. Get organized, decide what I want to get done, make him breakfast. It will greatly improve the quality of my mornings.
5.Cut back on treats and impulse buys. Things aren't appreciated as much or as special when they aren't rare.
6.Change How I say Things-Most of the time I say things in a negative way."Stop!" "Don't!" "No!" I need to watch how I say things. Instead of,"No, I can't right now" I should say," Yes, I'll do that in Just one minute."
7.Look For Little Ways to Celebrate-Do little suprises for my partner when he does something great, something I apprecitate or something he's very proud of.
8.Repetition Works-I don't need to yell. If I ask once, he gets the point, I don't need to yell when it's not done in five minutes.
9. Only Complain When It Is Absolutely Necessary and Really Matters-You get more flies with honey than vinegar. If I constantly complain, I won't ever get anything and will only be an annoyance.
10.I Need to Remind Myself How Fleeting the Stresses and Little Things That Annoy Me Are-The days are long, but the year is short.
11.Say I Love You and How Greatful I Am Every Day-Give Praise not Complaints. Give Love not Hate. Give Understanding not Doubt.
2.Song. Its hard for me to sing and be grouchy.
3.Get More Sleep.
4.Wake up before my partner. Get organized, decide what I want to get done, make him breakfast. It will greatly improve the quality of my mornings.
5.Cut back on treats and impulse buys. Things aren't appreciated as much or as special when they aren't rare.
6.Change How I say Things-Most of the time I say things in a negative way."Stop!" "Don't!" "No!" I need to watch how I say things. Instead of,"No, I can't right now" I should say," Yes, I'll do that in Just one minute."
7.Look For Little Ways to Celebrate-Do little suprises for my partner when he does something great, something I apprecitate or something he's very proud of.
8.Repetition Works-I don't need to yell. If I ask once, he gets the point, I don't need to yell when it's not done in five minutes.
9. Only Complain When It Is Absolutely Necessary and Really Matters-You get more flies with honey than vinegar. If I constantly complain, I won't ever get anything and will only be an annoyance.
10.I Need to Remind Myself How Fleeting the Stresses and Little Things That Annoy Me Are-The days are long, but the year is short.
11.Say I Love You and How Greatful I Am Every Day-Give Praise not Complaints. Give Love not Hate. Give Understanding not Doubt.
Tips For Conquering Anger
1. Pay Attention to My Body-Am I hungry? In pain? Uncomfortable? Check and see if those are the real things irritating me first before attacking my ex and blaming it on him.
2.Don't drink to much.
3.Acknowledge the Reality of Other People's Feelings-Instead of snapping back answers like,"I don't Want to Hear Your Whining," or "You're a Liar," I should try to understand what someone is saying and the circumstances. Think and Listen Before I Speak.
4.Be Realistic-I shouldn't get irritated when I'm interrupted or when things don't go the way I think they should. Of course things don't always go as planned.
5.Don't expect Praise or Appreciation-I feel irritated when I do something and no one tells me they appreciated it. I should do things for me.
6. Squelch My Reactions-Not expressing my anger right away will allow it to dissipate and I can discuss it in a reasonable manner. I have a lot of trouble with this.
7.I need to learn to take a joke and joke back in a non-aggressive way.
8. Try Not To Be Defensive- Most of my actions are caused by some kind of accusation that I did something rude, out of place or uncalled for. If I can admit I am at fault or let it go then my anger will dissipate. Most of the time my anger is tied to pride and my perfectionism. I want to control things and have them unfold as I wish and I want people to behave as I want them to. Thats not how the world works.
2.Don't drink to much.
3.Acknowledge the Reality of Other People's Feelings-Instead of snapping back answers like,"I don't Want to Hear Your Whining," or "You're a Liar," I should try to understand what someone is saying and the circumstances. Think and Listen Before I Speak.
4.Be Realistic-I shouldn't get irritated when I'm interrupted or when things don't go the way I think they should. Of course things don't always go as planned.
5.Don't expect Praise or Appreciation-I feel irritated when I do something and no one tells me they appreciated it. I should do things for me.
6. Squelch My Reactions-Not expressing my anger right away will allow it to dissipate and I can discuss it in a reasonable manner. I have a lot of trouble with this.
7.I need to learn to take a joke and joke back in a non-aggressive way.
8. Try Not To Be Defensive- Most of my actions are caused by some kind of accusation that I did something rude, out of place or uncalled for. If I can admit I am at fault or let it go then my anger will dissipate. Most of the time my anger is tied to pride and my perfectionism. I want to control things and have them unfold as I wish and I want people to behave as I want them to. Thats not how the world works.
Mistakes I've Made in My Relationships
1. I demand Gold Stars-I crave attention and recognition. My ex was not good at giving attention to me or showing appreciation.
Good Strategy: Don't tell yourself you're doing nice things for them,you'll be mad if they don't give you praise or worse disappointed.
Tell yourself you're doing these things because you want to. When you dothings for yourself you don't have to have them noticed by others.
THIS IS NOT SELF CENTERDNESS.
2. Using A Snappy Tone- I have a short fuse and become irritable extremely easily-my ex didn't like this. Instead of using a tone I should try and find a lot of ways to try to keep my temper in check. Things that I need to do instead or pay attention to: Am I too hungry? Too hot to cold? What am I really upset about? Try to keep things in a reasonable order, a mess makes me crabby and when my lover makes a joke about me I should try to laugh along, try to keep my voice light and cheery when I'm upset instead of sounding accusatory or impatient.
3.Getting Angry About a Fixed Trait-One thing I am learning is I can't change anyone but myself,and while there are some things I would love to change about my ex,those things aren't going to change. He isn't going to be open, he isn't going to be more emotional, he isn't going to be a romantic. Inistead of getting all worked up as I often do, I need to realize how small his flaws are in the grand scheme of things.
4.Score Keeping- I'm a score keeper, always calculating who has done what. I think," He lied to me so I should lie to him" or "I cleaned up the bathroom he should rub my back." ya know, that sort of thing. 2 ways to try and deal with this tendency: Think about the theory of unconscious overclaiming. This means we overestimate our contributions and skills relative to other peoples. The reason this makes sense is, because we are far more aware of what we do than what others do. I complain about all the things I have to do, but more often than not I overlook all the things my partner does for me. It's easy to see where overclaiming leads. It leads to resentment and an oversense of entitlement and self-importance. So of thinking of all you do and bitching, I should think of all the things he does good and takes care of that I don't do good and I don't take care of.Secondly, think when someone really loves someone else, they don't calculate.
5.I take My Lover for Granted- Just as I find it easy to overlook all the chores and work he does, its easy for me to forget his many virtues and instead focus on his faults. For Example, I find it hard not to speak in degrading tones, but my ex almost never does and that's a wonderful trait. I'm trying to learn to stay alert to all the things I love about him and let go of my petty annoyances. Although it is easier said than done.
Good Strategy: Don't tell yourself you're doing nice things for them,you'll be mad if they don't give you praise or worse disappointed.
Tell yourself you're doing these things because you want to. When you dothings for yourself you don't have to have them noticed by others.
THIS IS NOT SELF CENTERDNESS.
2. Using A Snappy Tone- I have a short fuse and become irritable extremely easily-my ex didn't like this. Instead of using a tone I should try and find a lot of ways to try to keep my temper in check. Things that I need to do instead or pay attention to: Am I too hungry? Too hot to cold? What am I really upset about? Try to keep things in a reasonable order, a mess makes me crabby and when my lover makes a joke about me I should try to laugh along, try to keep my voice light and cheery when I'm upset instead of sounding accusatory or impatient.
3.Getting Angry About a Fixed Trait-One thing I am learning is I can't change anyone but myself,and while there are some things I would love to change about my ex,those things aren't going to change. He isn't going to be open, he isn't going to be more emotional, he isn't going to be a romantic. Inistead of getting all worked up as I often do, I need to realize how small his flaws are in the grand scheme of things.
4.Score Keeping- I'm a score keeper, always calculating who has done what. I think," He lied to me so I should lie to him" or "I cleaned up the bathroom he should rub my back." ya know, that sort of thing. 2 ways to try and deal with this tendency: Think about the theory of unconscious overclaiming. This means we overestimate our contributions and skills relative to other peoples. The reason this makes sense is, because we are far more aware of what we do than what others do. I complain about all the things I have to do, but more often than not I overlook all the things my partner does for me. It's easy to see where overclaiming leads. It leads to resentment and an oversense of entitlement and self-importance. So of thinking of all you do and bitching, I should think of all the things he does good and takes care of that I don't do good and I don't take care of.Secondly, think when someone really loves someone else, they don't calculate.
5.I take My Lover for Granted- Just as I find it easy to overlook all the chores and work he does, its easy for me to forget his many virtues and instead focus on his faults. For Example, I find it hard not to speak in degrading tones, but my ex almost never does and that's a wonderful trait. I'm trying to learn to stay alert to all the things I love about him and let go of my petty annoyances. Although it is easier said than done.
7 Tools To Being Happy
1. Resolutions-record and track your resolutions.
2.One Sentence Journal-keep a journal on a subject you like, for instance, what am I reading today?
3.Personal Commandment-identify principles to guide your life by.
4. Secrets of Adulthood-identify principles you have learned so far.
5.Share Your Thoughts
6.List Tools-keep list of to do's, favorite things,things to do before you die.
7.Inspiration Board-put pictures of your favorite books,quotes,images,websites,memories.
2.One Sentence Journal-keep a journal on a subject you like, for instance, what am I reading today?
3.Personal Commandment-identify principles to guide your life by.
4. Secrets of Adulthood-identify principles you have learned so far.
5.Share Your Thoughts
6.List Tools-keep list of to do's, favorite things,things to do before you die.
7.Inspiration Board-put pictures of your favorite books,quotes,images,websites,memories.
12 Commandments
1: Be Myself.
2. Let It Go
3. Act The Way I Want To Feel
4. Do It Now, Not Later.
5. Be Polite and Be Fair.
6. Enjoy the Process of Healing and Living
7. Spend Out.
8. Identify My Problems
9. Lighten Up
10. Do What Ought To Be Done
11. No Calculations.
12. Remember, There Is Only Love.
2. Let It Go
3. Act The Way I Want To Feel
4. Do It Now, Not Later.
5. Be Polite and Be Fair.
6. Enjoy the Process of Healing and Living
7. Spend Out.
8. Identify My Problems
9. Lighten Up
10. Do What Ought To Be Done
11. No Calculations.
12. Remember, There Is Only Love.
Eight Things everyone should eat
Spinach- sex enhancer, muscle growth, fights aging.
Subs: Bok Choy, Romaine Lettuce~1/2 cup to full cup a day
Carrots- enhances eyesight, fights cancer, helps asthma ~ 1/2 a cup a day
Yogurt- Boost Immunity
Tomatoes-cancer fighter,antioxidants, boost immunity
Subs: Grapefruit~22mg. a day or 8 cherry tomatoes, 1 glass tomato juice
Prunes-helps fight Alzheimers, helps cardio
Subs:Blueberries, strawberries,grapes~ 1 cup
Black Beans- helps brain functions, antioxidants
Subs: Lentils, Pintos
Walnuts-muscle growth,anti-inflammatory
Subs:Almonds
Oats-muscle growth,brain stimulant,fights heart discease
Subs: Flax seed, Rice
Zinc-helps sexual health,increases sperm
Subs: Bok Choy, Romaine Lettuce~1/2 cup to full cup a day
Carrots- enhances eyesight, fights cancer, helps asthma ~ 1/2 a cup a day
Yogurt- Boost Immunity
Tomatoes-cancer fighter,antioxidants, boost immunity
Subs: Grapefruit~22mg. a day or 8 cherry tomatoes, 1 glass tomato juice
Prunes-helps fight Alzheimers, helps cardio
Subs:Blueberries, strawberries,grapes~ 1 cup
Black Beans- helps brain functions, antioxidants
Subs: Lentils, Pintos
Walnuts-muscle growth,anti-inflammatory
Subs:Almonds
Oats-muscle growth,brain stimulant,fights heart discease
Subs: Flax seed, Rice
Zinc-helps sexual health,increases sperm
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Drama Llama's
For each of us there are dramas that occur on a regular basis. It might be that you are always late. Maybe you always get into arguments with your spouse. Or perhaps you just can’t seem to take action on goals that are really important to you.
A Simple QuizBefore we delve into this common problem, take this one minute test. Fill in the blanks below to identify the patterns you would like to break.
I always __________________________.
_______________always happens to me.
I can’t stop _______________________.
Why Does This Keep Happening to Me?
So why do we keep reliving the same dramas? It’s the result of a program in your subconscious mind. You subconscious mind has many “programs” that it runs automatically such as getting dressed or dialing your mom’s phone number. Here’s the proof. Have you ever driven home from work and had little or no memory of driving. That’s because you were using your autopilot, the subconscious.The subconscious is a fabulous tool. It’s like a computer that carries out routines that we program into it. The automatic execution of these programs allows us to be more productive. We can think about our day while we are tying our shoes. Our brains are the original multitasking machine.The only problem with the subconscious is how unfailing it is even when the program is self-destructive. So how do we rectify this? It’s simple: modify or replace the self-defeating programs.
Here’s how.Reprogramming Your Subconscious
1. Choose. First you need to know what your faulty patterns are. So take a little time to explore the things you want to change. Use the one minute quiz above to help get you started and be sure to write them down.2. Analyze. Once you have the things you want to change, ask yourself “what is the belief that underlies this?” Determine why the pattern keeps happening. The best way to get down to the root of an issue is to keep asking why. Once you get to the root, then ask yourself what new belief or perspective could change your pattern.
Here’s an example. Let’s say you always fight with your mother. Start by asking “why?”
Why do I fight with my mother?
Because she annoys me.
Why does she annoy you?
Because she is constantly providing unwanted advice that feels like judging.
Why does that bother you?
Because I’m trying my hardest to live the best life I can and I get frustrated because I can’t possibly live up to everything she suggests.
Why do you feel like you have to do that?
Because she pushes and pushes with her opinions.
So you feel like you have to jump and take action whenever she makes a suggestion?
Yes.
OK. What new perspective could change your pattern?
Hmm. I could believe that she is trying to help me.
Tell me more.
I could believe that there is no pressure to take action. I’m a grownup and can live my life my way. I could believe that she might have some useful suggestions that I could consider. I could make a habit of thanking her, writing it down, and explaining that I may or may not take action, but that I will thoughtfully consider it. And then I could thank her for loving me enough to care and give me advice.
Good.
OK, but there’s a little more to the fighting. She also seems to like to needle me with “Told you so” kind of comments.
So why does that bother you?
It’s annoying!
Why?
Because, well, I guess it’s because sometimes she’s right. That stings. It backs me into a corner and makes me want to bite! (not literally, well maybe just a little)
Sooo, what could you do to change that pattern? (Because you know you can’t change her!)
I could take the wind out of those sails by simply adopting a habit of saying, “yes, you are right” instead of fighting it. I could believe that even though it’s not the most effective method, that when she says “told you so” that she is still doing it because she loves me. I could choose to focus on her love and not her method. That should hopefully soften things.
This is a long example, but I think it demonstrates that how we need to keep asking why to get to the root issue. Our first answer is usually our emotion coming through. When we keep asking why, that when we can get to what is really behind it all. Once you know the cause then you can work on addressing it.
3. Write. Take that little internal conversation you just had and write down the key items you’ll want to program. So in our example it would be:“My mother loves me so much that she wants to give me advice to improve my life. I can see past her methods and focus on her message which is based in love. I know that I don’t have to take action if it doesn’t work for me. I will feel calm each time I receive her loving advice even if her tone is frantic and urgent. In fact the more frantic she is, the more calm I will feel. I will thank my mother for all advice and tell her that I love her. And I will thoughtfully consider her advice. If she is right then I will be grateful to have someone looking out for me. Being wrong is ok as long as I have someone to help show me the right way. When I feel my way works better for me, I will thank her for the advice and love and calmly ask her to understand my decision.”
4. Upload. The way to program your subconscious is tread a path with a repeated message. So take your new program(s) and read them out loud to yourself each morning for a month. Throughout the day read your new program(s), and think about them when you see the drama coming down the tracks. Read your program out loud at night too. If you meditate, this is one of the best times to upload your new program(s) because when the mind is slowed down it is most receptive to absorbing a new belief.
5. Persistence. In theory, this is simple and straightforward, but in practice it will take some persistence and determination. Expect to see old programs rear their ugly head and try to put up a fight. Just remember to stick with it.
6. Feeling. Another helpful tip is to be sure to put feeling and emotion into your message when uploading to your subconscious. The reason why self-defeating patterns stay in place so well is because they usually have a high emotional charge which acts like superglue where the subconscious is concerned. So do your best to drum up some positive and strong emotions when uploading. Do this by trying to imagine the positive emotion. Take on on the actual facial and body movements and postures that would accompany that emotion. Take it slow. Each day you do this you will get better and better at it.
7. Visualize. The last piece of the puzzle is to also visualize what success will look like. Imagine yourself living out your new patterns. Imagine the colors. Turn up the volume. Turn up the emotional volume. Do this at least once a day when you are uploading your new program.8. Be Amazed. Truly, what you can do with this formula is limitless! Use it each time you need to improve your life. If you follow the simple steps, you can’t fail! It’s impossible!
A Simple QuizBefore we delve into this common problem, take this one minute test. Fill in the blanks below to identify the patterns you would like to break.
I always __________________________.
_______________always happens to me.
I can’t stop _______________________.
Why Does This Keep Happening to Me?
So why do we keep reliving the same dramas? It’s the result of a program in your subconscious mind. You subconscious mind has many “programs” that it runs automatically such as getting dressed or dialing your mom’s phone number. Here’s the proof. Have you ever driven home from work and had little or no memory of driving. That’s because you were using your autopilot, the subconscious.The subconscious is a fabulous tool. It’s like a computer that carries out routines that we program into it. The automatic execution of these programs allows us to be more productive. We can think about our day while we are tying our shoes. Our brains are the original multitasking machine.The only problem with the subconscious is how unfailing it is even when the program is self-destructive. So how do we rectify this? It’s simple: modify or replace the self-defeating programs.
Here’s how.Reprogramming Your Subconscious
1. Choose. First you need to know what your faulty patterns are. So take a little time to explore the things you want to change. Use the one minute quiz above to help get you started and be sure to write them down.2. Analyze. Once you have the things you want to change, ask yourself “what is the belief that underlies this?” Determine why the pattern keeps happening. The best way to get down to the root of an issue is to keep asking why. Once you get to the root, then ask yourself what new belief or perspective could change your pattern.
Here’s an example. Let’s say you always fight with your mother. Start by asking “why?”
Why do I fight with my mother?
Because she annoys me.
Why does she annoy you?
Because she is constantly providing unwanted advice that feels like judging.
Why does that bother you?
Because I’m trying my hardest to live the best life I can and I get frustrated because I can’t possibly live up to everything she suggests.
Why do you feel like you have to do that?
Because she pushes and pushes with her opinions.
So you feel like you have to jump and take action whenever she makes a suggestion?
Yes.
OK. What new perspective could change your pattern?
Hmm. I could believe that she is trying to help me.
Tell me more.
I could believe that there is no pressure to take action. I’m a grownup and can live my life my way. I could believe that she might have some useful suggestions that I could consider. I could make a habit of thanking her, writing it down, and explaining that I may or may not take action, but that I will thoughtfully consider it. And then I could thank her for loving me enough to care and give me advice.
Good.
OK, but there’s a little more to the fighting. She also seems to like to needle me with “Told you so” kind of comments.
So why does that bother you?
It’s annoying!
Why?
Because, well, I guess it’s because sometimes she’s right. That stings. It backs me into a corner and makes me want to bite! (not literally, well maybe just a little)
Sooo, what could you do to change that pattern? (Because you know you can’t change her!)
I could take the wind out of those sails by simply adopting a habit of saying, “yes, you are right” instead of fighting it. I could believe that even though it’s not the most effective method, that when she says “told you so” that she is still doing it because she loves me. I could choose to focus on her love and not her method. That should hopefully soften things.
This is a long example, but I think it demonstrates that how we need to keep asking why to get to the root issue. Our first answer is usually our emotion coming through. When we keep asking why, that when we can get to what is really behind it all. Once you know the cause then you can work on addressing it.
3. Write. Take that little internal conversation you just had and write down the key items you’ll want to program. So in our example it would be:“My mother loves me so much that she wants to give me advice to improve my life. I can see past her methods and focus on her message which is based in love. I know that I don’t have to take action if it doesn’t work for me. I will feel calm each time I receive her loving advice even if her tone is frantic and urgent. In fact the more frantic she is, the more calm I will feel. I will thank my mother for all advice and tell her that I love her. And I will thoughtfully consider her advice. If she is right then I will be grateful to have someone looking out for me. Being wrong is ok as long as I have someone to help show me the right way. When I feel my way works better for me, I will thank her for the advice and love and calmly ask her to understand my decision.”
4. Upload. The way to program your subconscious is tread a path with a repeated message. So take your new program(s) and read them out loud to yourself each morning for a month. Throughout the day read your new program(s), and think about them when you see the drama coming down the tracks. Read your program out loud at night too. If you meditate, this is one of the best times to upload your new program(s) because when the mind is slowed down it is most receptive to absorbing a new belief.
5. Persistence. In theory, this is simple and straightforward, but in practice it will take some persistence and determination. Expect to see old programs rear their ugly head and try to put up a fight. Just remember to stick with it.
6. Feeling. Another helpful tip is to be sure to put feeling and emotion into your message when uploading to your subconscious. The reason why self-defeating patterns stay in place so well is because they usually have a high emotional charge which acts like superglue where the subconscious is concerned. So do your best to drum up some positive and strong emotions when uploading. Do this by trying to imagine the positive emotion. Take on on the actual facial and body movements and postures that would accompany that emotion. Take it slow. Each day you do this you will get better and better at it.
7. Visualize. The last piece of the puzzle is to also visualize what success will look like. Imagine yourself living out your new patterns. Imagine the colors. Turn up the volume. Turn up the emotional volume. Do this at least once a day when you are uploading your new program.8. Be Amazed. Truly, what you can do with this formula is limitless! Use it each time you need to improve your life. If you follow the simple steps, you can’t fail! It’s impossible!
Monday, May 18, 2009
A loss greater than time can heal...pt.3
It is such a heartbreaking statement, his way of asking me if I still love him. And there is no denying it, the candle of my love for him still burns bright and I know it will never fade. This is what he is waiting to hear. I can feel the tension in the air touching my skin and I shiver. The silence seemed to stretch forever and I am dying to tell him the truth, to finally hold him close and have him eternally. But I hold back. It is my conscience holding me back and I face him as I breathed out in a strangled sob:
"I’m sorry. I can’t."
The hurt look on his face is the final blow, but still his mind is communicating with mine, telling me:
Your know you’re the only one. I gave you my love and it’s yours forever.
And although we didn’t touch, I felt his love pour through me like heat from the sun. I cannot bear the sea torture we are flowing through and so I tell him:
Please, don’t do this. You cannot love me anymore. Don’t make it harder for both of us . . .
He threw me one last long look and there I saw gleaming tears running down his face. I hear his barely audible whisper then he was gone, leaving me cold and desolate and as barren as the desert. His goodbye still echoes through my heart.
"I’m sorry. I can’t."
The hurt look on his face is the final blow, but still his mind is communicating with mine, telling me:
Your know you’re the only one. I gave you my love and it’s yours forever.
And although we didn’t touch, I felt his love pour through me like heat from the sun. I cannot bear the sea torture we are flowing through and so I tell him:
Please, don’t do this. You cannot love me anymore. Don’t make it harder for both of us . . .
He threw me one last long look and there I saw gleaming tears running down his face. I hear his barely audible whisper then he was gone, leaving me cold and desolate and as barren as the desert. His goodbye still echoes through my heart.
A loss greater than time can heal...Pt.2
Look at me, his mind silently tells me, please just look at me.
I take in shattered breaths, gathering all the strength I need, uttering a silent prayer to God. I level my gaze to his and his eyes find mine and for a moment, time seemed to stop. There were no words, no actions, only the existence of two minds, two hearts.
I cannot find disdain or contempt on his beautiful face but only questions . . .and hope. He is hoping that I still remember the promise, hoping for my love, for a thousand lifetimes together. I search deep into his eyes and what I find there completely seizes my heart and batters my soul. All my restraint broke and my knees gave way. I collapse into a heap on my knees on the cool glittering sand, his gaze never leaving mine. I break down, helpless tears streaming down my cheeks. I bury my face in my hands, the jacket forgotten as I unconsciously loosen my grip and let it out of my hands, granting it the freedom as it flew with the wind.
A wrenched cry of tormented anguish tears from my chest as the realization strikes me. His eyes tell me that he is floundering in a depth of misery that exceeded even my own. My hands itch to touch his face, to soothe him into a dull peace for both of us. To tell him that everything is alright. But I cannot. An invisible barrier stands between us, keeping me paralyzed and unable to cross the small distance to get to his welcoming arms and be with him.
I need to know . . . please just tell me, he silently begs.
And right then and there, I know that I cannot suffer enough to pay for the agony I have casted upon this beautiful creature.
He is asking me, no, he is silently pleading with me to know why.
I slowly shake my head, the tears flowing from my eyes mingling with the salty air. The waves crash mercilessly on the shore, taking with it my sandals as it retreats back to the ocean. I do not care anymore for I believe that the world has already taken the most important thing from my heart. I’ve got nothing more to lose.
He moves his head in a curt nod as if to accept my decision and it is all I can do not to throw up when I saw the disappointment written all over his face.
He softens his eyes and his face was that of an angel’s. A small nervous smile played across his lips. I brace my palms on the sand, my stomach turning over as I realize what he is asking of me. It has been a long time since I heard him speak and his deep strained voice played like music through my ears:
"Will there still be a place for me in your heart? Even the smallest space will do."
I take in shattered breaths, gathering all the strength I need, uttering a silent prayer to God. I level my gaze to his and his eyes find mine and for a moment, time seemed to stop. There were no words, no actions, only the existence of two minds, two hearts.
I cannot find disdain or contempt on his beautiful face but only questions . . .and hope. He is hoping that I still remember the promise, hoping for my love, for a thousand lifetimes together. I search deep into his eyes and what I find there completely seizes my heart and batters my soul. All my restraint broke and my knees gave way. I collapse into a heap on my knees on the cool glittering sand, his gaze never leaving mine. I break down, helpless tears streaming down my cheeks. I bury my face in my hands, the jacket forgotten as I unconsciously loosen my grip and let it out of my hands, granting it the freedom as it flew with the wind.
A wrenched cry of tormented anguish tears from my chest as the realization strikes me. His eyes tell me that he is floundering in a depth of misery that exceeded even my own. My hands itch to touch his face, to soothe him into a dull peace for both of us. To tell him that everything is alright. But I cannot. An invisible barrier stands between us, keeping me paralyzed and unable to cross the small distance to get to his welcoming arms and be with him.
I need to know . . . please just tell me, he silently begs.
And right then and there, I know that I cannot suffer enough to pay for the agony I have casted upon this beautiful creature.
He is asking me, no, he is silently pleading with me to know why.
I slowly shake my head, the tears flowing from my eyes mingling with the salty air. The waves crash mercilessly on the shore, taking with it my sandals as it retreats back to the ocean. I do not care anymore for I believe that the world has already taken the most important thing from my heart. I’ve got nothing more to lose.
He moves his head in a curt nod as if to accept my decision and it is all I can do not to throw up when I saw the disappointment written all over his face.
He softens his eyes and his face was that of an angel’s. A small nervous smile played across his lips. I brace my palms on the sand, my stomach turning over as I realize what he is asking of me. It has been a long time since I heard him speak and his deep strained voice played like music through my ears:
"Will there still be a place for me in your heart? Even the smallest space will do."
A loss greater than time can Heal..Pt.1
I walk endlessly down the shore, the sea mocking my conscience. I hear the waves whispering its verdict that I am wrong, further crushing the guilt embedded in my soul. I cannot cry no more for the sorrow I feel is too profound, too deep. I look up and see the scattered clouds partially dim the littered stars, tormenting the knowledge that I could never have again the love that I had and lost. I see the crescent moon staring down at me with pity, reminding of the warm and gentle smile on the face I know I could not find in anyone anymore. I turn my face away from that harsh reality, only to be greeted by a cold breeze that seemed like a blow to my already bruised self. Shivering, I pull my jacket tighter around me, forming a barricade that would keep me from the numbing agony creeping through my entire being. In the battle between the conscience and the heart, I fear that it was I who gave the victory over to conscience. And now I must bear the guilt brought by my actions. I have come to accept that destiny for I know that it is what I deserve for hurting the one being that matters to me most.
Hollow. Yes, this is what I am and what I will be for the rest of my life. For I am void of the love that was in the palm of my hands and now gone, because I let it slip from my fingers.
I continue my pace and with every step, I feel the sand sink beneath my feet, filling the spaces between my toes. I know I leave my footprints behind, only to be washed away by the sea. I shall never look back . . .
I hear footsteps muffled by the shingles, slowly coming towards me. Stop. Even though I could not see him, I know he is there. His very presence emits an aura that reaches me and touches the fathomless cave within me, igniting warmth throughout this body. My steps faltered to a stop. I slowly raise my eyes to focus on the figure standing a few yards away from me. My breath caught, I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but it felt like it was paralyzed. My pulse quickened its pace against my will. The sandals dangling from my fingers slowly slipped their way down to land beside my feet.
His white shirt is a stark contrast against the black velvety sky and once more, his beauty astonishes me. And just looking at him only added to the throbbing pain inside me, the agony of losing the exquisite creature that was once mine.
My eyes cannot meet his face for I already know what I will find there-hatred, scorn, and disgust. And I am filled with shame. I stand there, my gaze riveted to the ground, not daring to look up for if I do, if I see into his eyes, it would shatter me to pieces. And then it all comes back to me. I can still remember that night, in this beach. This beach that was witness to our first kiss, that heeded to our whispers of love as we declared souls to each other. It was a night filled with promises of a lifetime together. Our promise that was sealed with the kiss of life and the cry of the ocean.
Hollow. Yes, this is what I am and what I will be for the rest of my life. For I am void of the love that was in the palm of my hands and now gone, because I let it slip from my fingers.
I continue my pace and with every step, I feel the sand sink beneath my feet, filling the spaces between my toes. I know I leave my footprints behind, only to be washed away by the sea. I shall never look back . . .
I hear footsteps muffled by the shingles, slowly coming towards me. Stop. Even though I could not see him, I know he is there. His very presence emits an aura that reaches me and touches the fathomless cave within me, igniting warmth throughout this body. My steps faltered to a stop. I slowly raise my eyes to focus on the figure standing a few yards away from me. My breath caught, I tried to swallow the lump in my throat but it felt like it was paralyzed. My pulse quickened its pace against my will. The sandals dangling from my fingers slowly slipped their way down to land beside my feet.
His white shirt is a stark contrast against the black velvety sky and once more, his beauty astonishes me. And just looking at him only added to the throbbing pain inside me, the agony of losing the exquisite creature that was once mine.
My eyes cannot meet his face for I already know what I will find there-hatred, scorn, and disgust. And I am filled with shame. I stand there, my gaze riveted to the ground, not daring to look up for if I do, if I see into his eyes, it would shatter me to pieces. And then it all comes back to me. I can still remember that night, in this beach. This beach that was witness to our first kiss, that heeded to our whispers of love as we declared souls to each other. It was a night filled with promises of a lifetime together. Our promise that was sealed with the kiss of life and the cry of the ocean.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
An exerpt from my book of poetry
In darkness
In darkness he wanders, looking for a light, but finding not a glimmer of solice. Is it his destiny to roam alone through the night?
Many times he thought he felt a brush of someone beside him, but everytime was mistaken. He was not the first to wander down this bleak road, many had come before him, many with him and many after him, but none were their with him now.
It was his destiny, all of their destiny's it seemed to walk in the night and never know love.
Once perhaps they had all found it, but now none would ever know its comfort. He had fond memories. Memories of hopes and dreams, things that had one been a great presence of fulfillment in him, but now they had all been washed away.
Some people thought he chose to walk this path, others thought he was destined. Sone felt pity, some felt hate and some simply did not understand, but it wasn't for any of them to decide. It was his burden to bear.
In darkness he wanders, looking for a light, but finding not a glimmer of solice. Is it his destiny to roam alone through the night?
Many times he thought he felt a brush of someone beside him, but everytime was mistaken. He was not the first to wander down this bleak road, many had come before him, many with him and many after him, but none were their with him now.
It was his destiny, all of their destiny's it seemed to walk in the night and never know love.
Once perhaps they had all found it, but now none would ever know its comfort. He had fond memories. Memories of hopes and dreams, things that had one been a great presence of fulfillment in him, but now they had all been washed away.
Some people thought he chose to walk this path, others thought he was destined. Sone felt pity, some felt hate and some simply did not understand, but it wasn't for any of them to decide. It was his burden to bear.
Small words amount to so much
::profoundWORDS::
::Curiosity tempts us to color outside the lines. Belief gives us the confidence to do so::
::To the world you may only be one person, but to one person you may be the world::
::Ever wonder which hurts more? Saying something you wish you hadn't... Or not saying something and wishing you had...::
::I... LOVE... YOU... Those [3] words... Mean so much... But slowly the echoes start to fade... And only tears remain::
::Being happy doesn't mean that things are perfect; it means that you've decided to look passed the imperfections::
::People will ALWAYS talk about you; might as well give them something to talk about::
::Sick of crying. Tired of trying. Yeah I'm smiling, but inside....I'm dying...::
::People always say hate is such a strong word, but so is love...and people throw it around like it's nothing::
::What hurts more than losing you... is knowing you're not fighting to keep me::
::I'm gonna be me cuz those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter::
::The only guy worth crying over is the one who'd never make you cry::
::Playing dress up is not a sin, judging me is::
::Before you let go, remember the reasons that made you hold on in the first place::
::You're never really living until you've found something worth dying for::
::I'm at this point in my life where I'm just daring someone to push me off the edge, just to see if I'm strong enough to [fly]::
::Behind every "I'm fine" is a mind full of confusion trying to find a way out::
::I don't miss you - I miss the person I thought you were::
::It always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun::
::You were the first person to make me feel beautiful::
::People will always talk about you; might as well give them something to talk about::
::I'm more of a man than you'll ever be - and more of a woman than you'll ever get:: ::Angel(RENT)::
::Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back:: ::Marcus Aurelius::
::Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity and importance of the question:: ::Tennessee Williams::
::We are the unwilling, led by the unknowing, doing the impossible for the ungrateful:: ::U.S. Marine::
::Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever:: ::Mahatma Gandhi::
::I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best:: ::Marilyn Monroe::
::It's ok to open up Go ahead and let the light shine through I know it's hard on a rainy day You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone But don't run out on your faith Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing Is just a grain of sand And what you've been out there searching for forever Is in your hands:: ::Carrie Underwood, So Small::
::Curiosity tempts us to color outside the lines. Belief gives us the confidence to do so::
::To the world you may only be one person, but to one person you may be the world::
::Ever wonder which hurts more? Saying something you wish you hadn't... Or not saying something and wishing you had...::
::I... LOVE... YOU... Those [3] words... Mean so much... But slowly the echoes start to fade... And only tears remain::
::Being happy doesn't mean that things are perfect; it means that you've decided to look passed the imperfections::
::People will ALWAYS talk about you; might as well give them something to talk about::
::Sick of crying. Tired of trying. Yeah I'm smiling, but inside....I'm dying...::
::People always say hate is such a strong word, but so is love...and people throw it around like it's nothing::
::What hurts more than losing you... is knowing you're not fighting to keep me::
::I'm gonna be me cuz those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter::
::The only guy worth crying over is the one who'd never make you cry::
::Playing dress up is not a sin, judging me is::
::Before you let go, remember the reasons that made you hold on in the first place::
::You're never really living until you've found something worth dying for::
::I'm at this point in my life where I'm just daring someone to push me off the edge, just to see if I'm strong enough to [fly]::
::Behind every "I'm fine" is a mind full of confusion trying to find a way out::
::I don't miss you - I miss the person I thought you were::
::It always rains the hardest on the people who deserve the sun::
::You were the first person to make me feel beautiful::
::People will always talk about you; might as well give them something to talk about::
::I'm more of a man than you'll ever be - and more of a woman than you'll ever get:: ::Angel(RENT)::
::Death smiles at us all. All a man can do is smile back:: ::Marcus Aurelius::
::Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity and importance of the question:: ::Tennessee Williams::
::We are the unwilling, led by the unknowing, doing the impossible for the ungrateful:: ::U.S. Marine::
::Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever:: ::Mahatma Gandhi::
::I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best:: ::Marilyn Monroe::
::It's ok to open up Go ahead and let the light shine through I know it's hard on a rainy day You wanna shut the world out and just be left alone But don't run out on your faith Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing Is just a grain of sand And what you've been out there searching for forever Is in your hands:: ::Carrie Underwood, So Small::
Trying to Grasp Things
P E R F E C T I O N it is said that perfection doesn’t exist. it’s a common idea, and taught that perfection cannot exist. and i think this is terrible. because i see perfection everywhere i go. mix tapes, sincere love, happy tears. there is an extreme gap between perfect and flawless. for me at least. i see perfection in moments and perfection in ideas. it’s a state of mind. some people fit into my life perfectly. never say perfection is intangable.
IWANTTOMEETARTISTS: passion is essential. too many people are simply living, not enough are alive. forget about the plastics’.. the superficial. i want classy, i want trashy. give me anything that breathes with conviction. people who turn love into paintings. people who turn tears into sonnets. people who are afraid of life, but never afraid to live. thinkers, lovers, leaders; i want these artists.
H A N G F R O M M Y W O R D S: i’m in love with capturing details, words, beauty, ideas, moments. my life is a mess of all of them, an absolute mess. i keep them locked in this journal. i simply would rather live my life than sit at a desk and learn about it. i may not know every detail of the respiratory system but i still know how to breathe. and even breathing takes a close second to the circulatory system, my heart can pump blood, as well as compose love.
IWANTTOMEETARTISTS: passion is essential. too many people are simply living, not enough are alive. forget about the plastics’.. the superficial. i want classy, i want trashy. give me anything that breathes with conviction. people who turn love into paintings. people who turn tears into sonnets. people who are afraid of life, but never afraid to live. thinkers, lovers, leaders; i want these artists.
H A N G F R O M M Y W O R D S: i’m in love with capturing details, words, beauty, ideas, moments. my life is a mess of all of them, an absolute mess. i keep them locked in this journal. i simply would rather live my life than sit at a desk and learn about it. i may not know every detail of the respiratory system but i still know how to breathe. and even breathing takes a close second to the circulatory system, my heart can pump blood, as well as compose love.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Why break-ups can be the best thing that's ever happened to your relationship.
Let's face it, we all have those exes we have chased after forever. We've all been in relationships where we broke up over and over and get back together. I guarantee you, we've heard I just want to give me space and we've called crying begging them to be with us. You always hear if you really love them, let them go and if it's meant to be then they'll come back, but do any of us actually ever do it? I have an ex, the first week I thought he was the one, and for the past almost year we have broken up over and over. The other day he said if you really love me and you want me to be happy then stop bringing me down and stop harassing me about everything that I do.
From my stand point I'm thinking, well, you should be down. You should be moping and wanting us to get back together and fix things. Then he said that I needed to let go of my anger and my pain, and I thought you asshole you're the reason why I'm angry and I'm hurt and while that does have justification, he is far from a good boyfriend in the love and caring department, I was the one who was letting it control me to the point where I almost hated him.
I was the one who let all of my pain and anger from past relationships and past events control all my actions and I thought ya know, maybe, if I had let it all go we never would have broken up the second or the third or the fourth and possibly not even the first time. I never let him first and foremost be a friend. He was just my boyfriend, that guy I went to sleep with at night, he was the one who kept me from being alone and although I love him, I never loved him the way I should have and when we were together and when he wanted to go out occassionally with friends I always thought no we should go out together, thats what couples do, but now being single and being away from him, I totally understand that you can't miss somebody, you can't have that fire in a relationship, you can't want them so bad you can't see straight if you don't have some time apart. Maybe that's why rellationships fail, we are too centered on being together and a couple rather than two individuals who choose to be together, but still need their freedom every once in a while.
So my advice is if you've broken up with an ex, leave him alone and if he comes back, he does, if he doesn't, he doesn't, but remember that's only half of it. You need to take time for yourself to heal and get over whatever issues you had with him. A relationship only works when both people are in the relationship are complete and you can't be complete and stable when you have drug issues, or addictions or you lie constantly or when you're so angry and hurt you don't want to get out of bed. You are in control, don't let something control you. Go out, have fun and RELAX! That's the best thing you can do and nine out of ten times you're ex is going to miss you and come back to you and it's going to finally work because there's nothing standing in your way. You only have your future. If he doesn't come back then fuck him. Guys are notoriously idiots and whores.
For those of you with boyfriends who are asking a little space, let them have it. If they cheat, they cheat. Big woop, but a relationship is not about control, it's about being partners and paying attention to the other persons needs. Who knows if you let him go out with the boys, he may actually come home and tell you he missed you for the first time in months. Listen. Love. Learn.
From my stand point I'm thinking, well, you should be down. You should be moping and wanting us to get back together and fix things. Then he said that I needed to let go of my anger and my pain, and I thought you asshole you're the reason why I'm angry and I'm hurt and while that does have justification, he is far from a good boyfriend in the love and caring department, I was the one who was letting it control me to the point where I almost hated him.
I was the one who let all of my pain and anger from past relationships and past events control all my actions and I thought ya know, maybe, if I had let it all go we never would have broken up the second or the third or the fourth and possibly not even the first time. I never let him first and foremost be a friend. He was just my boyfriend, that guy I went to sleep with at night, he was the one who kept me from being alone and although I love him, I never loved him the way I should have and when we were together and when he wanted to go out occassionally with friends I always thought no we should go out together, thats what couples do, but now being single and being away from him, I totally understand that you can't miss somebody, you can't have that fire in a relationship, you can't want them so bad you can't see straight if you don't have some time apart. Maybe that's why rellationships fail, we are too centered on being together and a couple rather than two individuals who choose to be together, but still need their freedom every once in a while.
So my advice is if you've broken up with an ex, leave him alone and if he comes back, he does, if he doesn't, he doesn't, but remember that's only half of it. You need to take time for yourself to heal and get over whatever issues you had with him. A relationship only works when both people are in the relationship are complete and you can't be complete and stable when you have drug issues, or addictions or you lie constantly or when you're so angry and hurt you don't want to get out of bed. You are in control, don't let something control you. Go out, have fun and RELAX! That's the best thing you can do and nine out of ten times you're ex is going to miss you and come back to you and it's going to finally work because there's nothing standing in your way. You only have your future. If he doesn't come back then fuck him. Guys are notoriously idiots and whores.
For those of you with boyfriends who are asking a little space, let them have it. If they cheat, they cheat. Big woop, but a relationship is not about control, it's about being partners and paying attention to the other persons needs. Who knows if you let him go out with the boys, he may actually come home and tell you he missed you for the first time in months. Listen. Love. Learn.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Lying in a relationship
Is it better to lie and be trusted that you're telling the truth or to tell the truth and everyone think you are lying? I lied a lot in the beginning of my relationship and now it's haunting me. I find myself lying about things I didn't even do just because the truth seems to easy and he thinks I'm lying when I tell him the truth. So a lesson to all, never lie in the first place because eventually you're going to hurt yourself more than you realize and it always catches up with you. People think I'm a whore by nature, but I'm not. I can easily have friends and not sleep with them, but people assume I will so I automatically have to tell them I did just so they believe me. Now, I'm torn up about what to even do.
A Lesson in Humility
Humility:the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. I'm a hypocrite. A big one and it took my twenty-one years to realize it. I hold a high standard for the friends I keep and the people around me but I was living in the fantasy that I didn't need to follow through with the things I was demanding of other people. I like detail. Even bad ones and i expect them from people. There's nothing I hate more than being told "It doesn't matter" or "I don't need to know all that", but I hid something from someone because I didn't want to admit I failed. It so much easier to think you are perfect and everyone else isn't and the owe you something. People don't owe you anything. We are given lives and they are our lives. I looked in the mirror the day after my twenty-first birthday and saw how much I had let myself go. I had put on weight. My nails were dirty. My make-up was smeared and my hair was a mess. I didn't even look like me anymore. I went and played a game with a friend and kept looking at things I had never realized before in the game and all the time we had been playing for months and months and I never realized why I always lost. Reality hit hard that I wasn't paying attention to anything more. I was trying so hard to do so many things that I wasn't doing any of them right.
I like people with goals and ambition. I had none. I was living in the moment. I wasn't working like I should thinking oh, when the time comes I'll have money some way. Someone will provide, but that is not the case.You have to work for what you want and further more, what's the point in living if you are going nowhere? Every one should have a plan, everyone should have things they want to accomplish and they should be going after them, even if it's just buying new clothes. Atleast have some goal. I've made mine now.
People have also told me I'm unstable, whther emotionally or otherwise and I always thought no, I'm reacting to other people. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, but there is something wrong when you do it to yourself. I'd be happy and fine and busy and all the sudden I'd remember something or someone and I'd get upset and angry or cry and let it ruin my whole day. I had to realize that I needed to push those thoughts away because they didn't matter. They don't affect my future. My future has gone on without those things and will continue to go on without those things. Learn what you can from a situation and put it behind. You've got all you're going to get out of it. It doesn't have to haunt you forever.
Also I discovered that I'm really not funny. I'm hurtful. I say things joking, thinking well, that's funny to me, but it's not funny. I've hurt people because I thought I was always the hottest, the most down to earth, the smartest and the funniest person ever. I always wondered why people left me. Why someone like me couldn't stay in a relationship. I thought I was perfect. Why did everyone say things to me that I wasn't doing?
Well, I got a lesson in humility. I am special, but so are other people. I am pretty, but I am not the prettiest. I am a great guy,but I also have faults. Big ones. One's that had to change. Talk about a lesson in humility. Now, I feel great. All the things I've hidden are out. I've realized what I need to work on, I've faced my demons and I've put all the bullshit behind me. It's my time to be the best I can be for me. I am finally the guy I admired. I am the guy I let go of. I am the guy I gave up on and if I have hurt you or misled you then I am truly sorry. I'm not that guy anymore. I'm back to being me and I don't ever want to go back to how I was and I never will. So everyone today take a little time to be humble. Take time to learn something. Take time to heal old wounds and take time to make new goals. I promise it may be hard, but it's worth it.
<3 Will
I like people with goals and ambition. I had none. I was living in the moment. I wasn't working like I should thinking oh, when the time comes I'll have money some way. Someone will provide, but that is not the case.You have to work for what you want and further more, what's the point in living if you are going nowhere? Every one should have a plan, everyone should have things they want to accomplish and they should be going after them, even if it's just buying new clothes. Atleast have some goal. I've made mine now.
People have also told me I'm unstable, whther emotionally or otherwise and I always thought no, I'm reacting to other people. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, but there is something wrong when you do it to yourself. I'd be happy and fine and busy and all the sudden I'd remember something or someone and I'd get upset and angry or cry and let it ruin my whole day. I had to realize that I needed to push those thoughts away because they didn't matter. They don't affect my future. My future has gone on without those things and will continue to go on without those things. Learn what you can from a situation and put it behind. You've got all you're going to get out of it. It doesn't have to haunt you forever.
Also I discovered that I'm really not funny. I'm hurtful. I say things joking, thinking well, that's funny to me, but it's not funny. I've hurt people because I thought I was always the hottest, the most down to earth, the smartest and the funniest person ever. I always wondered why people left me. Why someone like me couldn't stay in a relationship. I thought I was perfect. Why did everyone say things to me that I wasn't doing?
Well, I got a lesson in humility. I am special, but so are other people. I am pretty, but I am not the prettiest. I am a great guy,but I also have faults. Big ones. One's that had to change. Talk about a lesson in humility. Now, I feel great. All the things I've hidden are out. I've realized what I need to work on, I've faced my demons and I've put all the bullshit behind me. It's my time to be the best I can be for me. I am finally the guy I admired. I am the guy I let go of. I am the guy I gave up on and if I have hurt you or misled you then I am truly sorry. I'm not that guy anymore. I'm back to being me and I don't ever want to go back to how I was and I never will. So everyone today take a little time to be humble. Take time to learn something. Take time to heal old wounds and take time to make new goals. I promise it may be hard, but it's worth it.
<3 Will
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