A Lesson in Humility

Humility:the quality or condition of being humble; modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc. I'm a hypocrite. A big one and it took my twenty-one years to realize it. I hold a high standard for the friends I keep and the people around me but I was living in the fantasy that I didn't need to follow through with the things I was demanding of other people. I like detail. Even bad ones and i expect them from people. There's nothing I hate more than being told "It doesn't matter" or "I don't need to know all that", but I hid something from someone because I didn't want to admit I failed. It so much easier to think you are perfect and everyone else isn't and the owe you something. People don't owe you anything. We are given lives and they are our lives. I looked in the mirror the day after my twenty-first birthday and saw how much I had let myself go. I had put on weight. My nails were dirty. My make-up was smeared and my hair was a mess. I didn't even look like me anymore. I went and played a game with a friend and kept looking at things I had never realized before in the game and all the time we had been playing for months and months and I never realized why I always lost. Reality hit hard that I wasn't paying attention to anything more. I was trying so hard to do so many things that I wasn't doing any of them right.

I like people with goals and ambition. I had none. I was living in the moment. I wasn't working like I should thinking oh, when the time comes I'll have money some way. Someone will provide, but that is not the case.You have to work for what you want and further more, what's the point in living if you are going nowhere? Every one should have a plan, everyone should have things they want to accomplish and they should be going after them, even if it's just buying new clothes. Atleast have some goal. I've made mine now.

People have also told me I'm unstable, whther emotionally or otherwise and I always thought no, I'm reacting to other people. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, but there is something wrong when you do it to yourself. I'd be happy and fine and busy and all the sudden I'd remember something or someone and I'd get upset and angry or cry and let it ruin my whole day. I had to realize that I needed to push those thoughts away because they didn't matter. They don't affect my future. My future has gone on without those things and will continue to go on without those things. Learn what you can from a situation and put it behind. You've got all you're going to get out of it. It doesn't have to haunt you forever.

Also I discovered that I'm really not funny. I'm hurtful. I say things joking, thinking well, that's funny to me, but it's not funny. I've hurt people because I thought I was always the hottest, the most down to earth, the smartest and the funniest person ever. I always wondered why people left me. Why someone like me couldn't stay in a relationship. I thought I was perfect. Why did everyone say things to me that I wasn't doing?

Well, I got a lesson in humility. I am special, but so are other people. I am pretty, but I am not the prettiest. I am a great guy,but I also have faults. Big ones. One's that had to change. Talk about a lesson in humility. Now, I feel great. All the things I've hidden are out. I've realized what I need to work on, I've faced my demons and I've put all the bullshit behind me. It's my time to be the best I can be for me. I am finally the guy I admired. I am the guy I let go of. I am the guy I gave up on and if I have hurt you or misled you then I am truly sorry. I'm not that guy anymore. I'm back to being me and I don't ever want to go back to how I was and I never will. So everyone today take a little time to be humble. Take time to learn something. Take time to heal old wounds and take time to make new goals. I promise it may be hard, but it's worth it.

<3 Will