Mistakes I've Made in My Relationships

1. I demand Gold Stars-I crave attention and recognition. My ex was not good at giving attention to me or showing appreciation.
Good Strategy: Don't tell yourself you're doing nice things for them,you'll be mad if they don't give you praise or worse disappointed.
Tell yourself you're doing these things because you want to. When you dothings for yourself you don't have to have them noticed by others.
THIS IS NOT SELF CENTERDNESS.
2. Using A Snappy Tone- I have a short fuse and become irritable extremely easily-my ex didn't like this. Instead of using a tone I should try and find a lot of ways to try to keep my temper in check. Things that I need to do instead or pay attention to: Am I too hungry? Too hot to cold? What am I really upset about? Try to keep things in a reasonable order, a mess makes me crabby and when my lover makes a joke about me I should try to laugh along, try to keep my voice light and cheery when I'm upset instead of sounding accusatory or impatient.
3.Getting Angry About a Fixed Trait-One thing I am learning is I can't change anyone but myself,and while there are some things I would love to change about my ex,those things aren't going to change. He isn't going to be open, he isn't going to be more emotional, he isn't going to be a romantic. Inistead of getting all worked up as I often do, I need to realize how small his flaws are in the grand scheme of things.
4.Score Keeping- I'm a score keeper, always calculating who has done what. I think," He lied to me so I should lie to him" or "I cleaned up the bathroom he should rub my back." ya know, that sort of thing. 2 ways to try and deal with this tendency: Think about the theory of unconscious overclaiming. This means we overestimate our contributions and skills relative to other peoples. The reason this makes sense is, because we are far more aware of what we do than what others do. I complain about all the things I have to do, but more often than not I overlook all the things my partner does for me. It's easy to see where overclaiming leads. It leads to resentment and an oversense of entitlement and self-importance. So of thinking of all you do and bitching, I should think of all the things he does good and takes care of that I don't do good and I don't take care of.Secondly, think when someone really loves someone else, they don't calculate.
5.I take My Lover for Granted- Just as I find it easy to overlook all the chores and work he does, its easy for me to forget his many virtues and instead focus on his faults. For Example, I find it hard not to speak in degrading tones, but my ex almost never does and that's a wonderful trait. I'm trying to learn to stay alert to all the things I love about him and let go of my petty annoyances. Although it is easier said than done.