1. "I need to get organized." No! Don't get organized is your first step.
2. "I need to be hyper-organized." I fully appreciate the pleasure of having a place for everything, and perhaps counter-intuitively, I believe it’s easier to put things away in an exact place, rather than a general place (“the third shelf of the coat closet,” not “a closet.”) However, this impulse can become destructive: if you’re spending a lot of time alphabetizing your spices, organizing your shoes according to heel height, creating eighty categories for your home files, etc., consider whether you need to be quite so precisely organized. I find this particularly true with toys – I’ve spent hours sorting pretend food, Polly Pockets pieces, and tea sets, only to find everything a jumble the next day.
3. "I need some more inventive storage containers." See #1. If you get rid of everything you don’t need, you may not need any fancy containers.
4. "I need to find the perfect recipient for everything I’m getting rid of." It’s easier to get rid of things when you know that you’ll be giving them to someone who can use them, but don’t let this kind intention become a source of clutter, itself. I have a friend who has multiple piles all over her house, each lovingly destined for a particular recipient. This is generous and thoughtful, but it contributes mightily to clutter. Try to find one or two good recipients, or if you really want to move your ex-stuff in multiple directions, create some kind of rigid system for moving it along quickly.
5. "I can’t get rid of anything that I might possibly need one day." How terrible would it be if you needed a glass jar and didn’t have one? Do you have gigantic stores of things like rubber bands or ketchup packets? How many coffee mugs does one family use?
6. "I might get that gizmo fixed." Face it. If you’ve had something for more than six months, and it’s still not repaired, it’s clutter.
7. "I might learn how to use that gizmo." Again, face it. If you’ve had a gizmo on the shelf for a year, and you’ve never used it to make gelato or label a sugar jar, it’s clutter.
8. "I might lose a ton of weight and then I’d fit into these clothes again." If you lose a bunch of weight, you’ll want to buy a new pair of jeans, not a pair you bought seven years ago.
9. "I need to keep this as a memento of a happy time." I’m a huge believer in mementos; remembering happy times in the past gives you a big happiness boost in the present. But ask yourself: do I need to keep all these t-shirts to remind me of college, or can I keep a few? Do I need to keep an enormous desk to remind me of my grandfather, or can I use a photograph? Do I need fifty finger-painted pictures by my toddler, or is one enough to capture this time of life? Mementos work best when they’re carefully chosen – and when they don’t take up much room!
10. "I need to keep this, because the person who gave it to me might visit my house and be hurt when it’s not on display." Is that person really likely to visit? Is that person really likely to remember the gift? Will the person really be upset by the lack of viewing of the gift?
11. "If I have any available space, I should fill it up with something." No! One of my Secrets of Adulthood is Somewhere, keep an empty shelf. I know where my empty shelf is, and I treasure it.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Loneliness Test
Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. The book underscores the conclusion that few things will challenge your happiness more than loneliness.
Without thinking it through, I’d assumed that being lonely would make people warmer, more eager for connection, and more accepting of differences in others. If you’re lonely, you’re going to be open to making friends and therefore more easy-going, right?
To the contrary! It turns out that being lonely has just the opposite effect:
--Loneliness “sets us apart by making us more fragile, negative, and self-critical.” (174)
--“When people feel lonely they are actually far less accepting of potential new friends than when they are socially contented.” (180)
--“Lonely students have been shown to be less responsive to their classmates during class discussions, and to provide less appropriate and less effective feedback than non-lonely students.” (181)
--“When people feel rejected or excluded they tend to become more aggressive, more self-defeating or self-destructive, less cooperative and helpful, and less prone simply to do the hard work of thinking clearly.”(217)
--Bonus loneliness tidbit: “People with insecure, anxious attachment styles are more likely…to form perceived social bonds with television characters.” (258)
Loneliness makes us so anxious and worried about rejection that it distorts our thinking and our behavior.
This argument supports the arguments against the two most pernicious happiness myths: Happiness Myth #1—Happy people are annoying and stupid and Happiness Myth #10—It’s selfish to try to be happier. Cacioppo and Patrick make the convincing case that socially contented people (a/k/a happy people) tend to be kinder.
The obvious next question is, “Well, I’m lonely, and I’m not happy. What do I do now?” Loneliness didn’t address that question, alas.
The book includes a quiz so you can score yourself on the UCLA Loneliness Scale. I scored a 36, where a score lower than 28 is low-loneliness; above 44 is high-loneliness; and 33-39 is the middle of the spectrum.
Without thinking it through, I’d assumed that being lonely would make people warmer, more eager for connection, and more accepting of differences in others. If you’re lonely, you’re going to be open to making friends and therefore more easy-going, right?
To the contrary! It turns out that being lonely has just the opposite effect:
--Loneliness “sets us apart by making us more fragile, negative, and self-critical.” (174)
--“When people feel lonely they are actually far less accepting of potential new friends than when they are socially contented.” (180)
--“Lonely students have been shown to be less responsive to their classmates during class discussions, and to provide less appropriate and less effective feedback than non-lonely students.” (181)
--“When people feel rejected or excluded they tend to become more aggressive, more self-defeating or self-destructive, less cooperative and helpful, and less prone simply to do the hard work of thinking clearly.”(217)
--Bonus loneliness tidbit: “People with insecure, anxious attachment styles are more likely…to form perceived social bonds with television characters.” (258)
Loneliness makes us so anxious and worried about rejection that it distorts our thinking and our behavior.
This argument supports the arguments against the two most pernicious happiness myths: Happiness Myth #1—Happy people are annoying and stupid and Happiness Myth #10—It’s selfish to try to be happier. Cacioppo and Patrick make the convincing case that socially contented people (a/k/a happy people) tend to be kinder.
The obvious next question is, “Well, I’m lonely, and I’m not happy. What do I do now?” Loneliness didn’t address that question, alas.
The book includes a quiz so you can score yourself on the UCLA Loneliness Scale. I scored a 36, where a score lower than 28 is low-loneliness; above 44 is high-loneliness; and 33-39 is the middle of the spectrum.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Avoid Being A Tired Ass
Feeling energetic is a key to feeling happy. Studies show that when you feel energetic, you feel much better about yourself. On the other hand, when you feel exhausted, tasks that would ordinarily make you happy—like putting up holiday decorations—make you feel overwhelmed and blue.
Maybe you should try these strategies:
1. Exercise—even a quick ten-minute walk will increase your energy and boost your mood.
2. Listen to lively music.
3. Get enough sleep. If the alarm blasts you out of a sound sleep every morning, you’re not getting enough—and it matters. (Here are some tips for getting good sleep.)
4. For some people, taking a 10-30 minute nap is a big help. I can’t nap, myself, but my father has been known to take three naps in one day.
5. Act energetic. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up. Also, because the way we act influences the way we feel (to an almost uncanny degree), by acting energetic you'll make you feel more energetic.
6. Talk to friends. I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling low, and then run into a friend on the street, I walk away feeling much more energetic. Reach out if you need a boost. This is true for introverts and extroverts alike.
7. Get something done. Crossing a nagging chore off your to-do list provides a big rush of energy. For a huge surge, clean out a closet. You’ll be amazed at how great you feel afterward.
8. Do NOT use food. It’s tempting to reach for a carton of ice cream when you’re feeling listless, but in the end, all those extra calories will just drag you down. In general, be wary of the urge to treat yourself when you're feeling low.
Energy (or lack of energy) is contagious. If you feel energetic, you’ll help the people around you feel energetic, too. And that makes them feel happier.
Maybe you should try these strategies:
1. Exercise—even a quick ten-minute walk will increase your energy and boost your mood.
2. Listen to lively music.
3. Get enough sleep. If the alarm blasts you out of a sound sleep every morning, you’re not getting enough—and it matters. (Here are some tips for getting good sleep.)
4. For some people, taking a 10-30 minute nap is a big help. I can’t nap, myself, but my father has been known to take three naps in one day.
5. Act energetic. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up. Also, because the way we act influences the way we feel (to an almost uncanny degree), by acting energetic you'll make you feel more energetic.
6. Talk to friends. I’ve noticed that if I’m feeling low, and then run into a friend on the street, I walk away feeling much more energetic. Reach out if you need a boost. This is true for introverts and extroverts alike.
7. Get something done. Crossing a nagging chore off your to-do list provides a big rush of energy. For a huge surge, clean out a closet. You’ll be amazed at how great you feel afterward.
8. Do NOT use food. It’s tempting to reach for a carton of ice cream when you’re feeling listless, but in the end, all those extra calories will just drag you down. In general, be wary of the urge to treat yourself when you're feeling low.
Energy (or lack of energy) is contagious. If you feel energetic, you’ll help the people around you feel energetic, too. And that makes them feel happier.
Promises In The Dark By:Keri Hilton
Listen…
Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do, really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore, than you believe it
Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Listen…
I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent
Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t care if you’re lying a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong
Then what took you so long, took you so long
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do, really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore, than you believe it
Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Listen…
I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent
Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t care if you’re lying a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong
Then what took you so long, took you so long
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on
And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me
Monday, November 2, 2009
Forever Love
There it is clenched between my broken hands, as if it were really a remanent of you, as if it will vanish if I loosen my grasp. Hoping to smell your sweat if nothing else. Wishing that it may bring back the piece of my heart it stole when you left. I try so intently to remember what I never wanted to forget. Your voice. Your smile. Your being that radiated passion. You were so very real, and I know you were.
Then I glance upon the dirty, withered adornment I have burried in my arms, I see a statement so simple but stronger than rushing waves. What does this mean? Why did you wear this? Maybe for another time to ponder. Maybe for a better time to miss you. How can I comprehend that forever never ends and thats how long you'll be gone?
Then I glance upon the dirty, withered adornment I have burried in my arms, I see a statement so simple but stronger than rushing waves. What does this mean? Why did you wear this? Maybe for another time to ponder. Maybe for a better time to miss you. How can I comprehend that forever never ends and thats how long you'll be gone?
Strength and Weakness
My emotions are clotting behind each other and the pressure builds daily. Unspoken guilt teases my tounge in attempt to escape. For what would seem to be raw fear would present the fact I'm too weak to taste the barrel of a gun. Yet from a different perspective I find myself too strong to give into that same weakness. I feel like I'm balancing over the edge of a great fall. I thought I had finally harnessed my life, but the stitching is growing anemic. The fibers of my sanity, growing anemic.
I stop to try and intellectualize my predicament, fingernails grinding up under my teeth, foot steadily tapping, eyes intent. What is this scramble of words I have vomited in an action to untangle some of my emotions.
I just seem to draw a blank.
I stop to try and intellectualize my predicament, fingernails grinding up under my teeth, foot steadily tapping, eyes intent. What is this scramble of words I have vomited in an action to untangle some of my emotions.
I just seem to draw a blank.
Truth Without Doubt
Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
I don't want to mask my eyes from what is true. I sometimes feel like I subconsciously stop myself from thinking past what I want to. I know that I can walk around believing whatever I want. Truly, believing anything and everything I have been taught, or that I have come to believe. Never thinking that, in the midst of my undeniable logic, I can still be completely deceived. You don't believe in hell, because your afraid of the thought that it might be real. Will the only time you realize your wrong be when your burning in it? If so, thats too late. Just because I do or don't believe something means nothing. My opinions don't put a dent in a fact. They don't put a dent in anything. Not opinionated facts, or scientific facts. Only real facts. How or where can you possibly find out what is what? What is really true.
He is not a man, that he should lie.
I don't want to mask my eyes from what is true. I sometimes feel like I subconsciously stop myself from thinking past what I want to. I know that I can walk around believing whatever I want. Truly, believing anything and everything I have been taught, or that I have come to believe. Never thinking that, in the midst of my undeniable logic, I can still be completely deceived. You don't believe in hell, because your afraid of the thought that it might be real. Will the only time you realize your wrong be when your burning in it? If so, thats too late. Just because I do or don't believe something means nothing. My opinions don't put a dent in a fact. They don't put a dent in anything. Not opinionated facts, or scientific facts. Only real facts. How or where can you possibly find out what is what? What is really true.
He is not a man, that he should lie.
If you loved me to..
I wish I had said what was hanging off the tip of my tongue. Fidgeting incessantly, my mind abrading a solid decision. There we were, curled up on that old over sized bed, degenerating into time. The Television's constant light, with a distinct luster, danced across our faces as we sat there together, my stupid shows looping over and over. I really felt this eagerness to tell you what would seem like, a ridiculous proposition. I didn't see the relation between the unspoken, and the immediate atmosphere. It's irrelevant, "I know it". I watched water droplets form tiny streams about the outside of your water mug sitting on the table. My fingers coiled into yours, our hearts allied, your smile was a reaction to mine. I was to focused on that to tell you the thing that would have saved you. The thing that would have saved us. The thing that would have held my hand when yours was gone, the thing that would have cloaked me when I was shorn of my comfort. I never told you. I never thought, I never knew. I wish that time wouldn't drag me on to my death, but it would let me go back to you. Just for a moment. I'd give anything, for a moment. You will always be my everything, and without you, nothing matters. And I am without you, now. My body will never be with yours again, but our souls have become one, I will forever feel the constant tug to draw me back to you. I'm not lying when I say that I love you and it would ease the pain if you loved me to.
How you feel
Right now I'm only a drop in a bucket. I'm here, but I'm not here. I'm in this world, but I'm not in your world. I'm alive, but inanimate on your radar. My life is only worth what you think it is, not what I make it. You're the one who stamped a price on my forehead, according to the way a present myself to society. My title weighs more in gold then my very life. Hang me from your scales, and let frivolous averages swarm around and tear my flesh from its bones. darling, why can't you see that there is more underneath these clothes than meat. Your criticism left prints around my throat, scars I get to bare forever.
You say I wear them well? Thanks for that.
You say I wear them well? Thanks for that.
Travelin' Man
I have no clue what I'm going to do.
You know how it feels to figure out what you're supposed to do,
With no clues.
No senses.
Its like telling a blind man to look for the big bright yellow sign, "you can't miss it!"
Well, I'm the blind man, mind you. And the world is screaming colors at me.
I understand that feelings don't matter.
I understand dog eat dog and all the delicious gruesome details in between.
I understand that every creature has to kill to survive.
Just how many more people do I have to crush in order to get somewhere?
I don't like the idea that we can't work together to build a future, but we have to fight to see who gets whats best.
I have to just live life, swimming in mistakes.
Scratch that, I can't swim. Drowning in mistakes...
Looking for substance in whatever I can.
I have so many problems I can't even began to describe.
I just have to ignore the ones I can, and deal with the ones I can.
You know how it feels to figure out what you're supposed to do,
With no clues.
No senses.
Its like telling a blind man to look for the big bright yellow sign, "you can't miss it!"
Well, I'm the blind man, mind you. And the world is screaming colors at me.
I understand that feelings don't matter.
I understand dog eat dog and all the delicious gruesome details in between.
I understand that every creature has to kill to survive.
Just how many more people do I have to crush in order to get somewhere?
I don't like the idea that we can't work together to build a future, but we have to fight to see who gets whats best.
I have to just live life, swimming in mistakes.
Scratch that, I can't swim. Drowning in mistakes...
Looking for substance in whatever I can.
I have so many problems I can't even began to describe.
I just have to ignore the ones I can, and deal with the ones I can.
Tomorrow Is Not Today
i guess when i sit here, i expect great words to drip
from my mind and rush to form something extravagant
and great. i wonder how the letters i squish together,
to create statements, are actually perceived.
i'm always thinking my grammar is never quite right
and i put commas in every illegal place.
i wonder if everyone is as finicky as me, and if they
look past my words to tackle my mistakes.
i just want to be a brilliant writer.
but i'm not sure that i'm even slightly close to it.
my arms are always stretched out, fingers reaching for perfection relentlessly.
at the same time, my mind is always reminding me that there is no such thing.
my heart wants to pour out hot gossip going on between my soul and intellect.
spill it like fresh blood on the page where my art is born.
i don't know who or what it is that gets my heart cranking but it is, indeed.
it's gonna blow and i know it.
splashing emotions and secrets across a screen
only to wipe them all up and take the right back in
like they had never been sprawled out all over the page.
i feel different. i think i want something more. i don't care Whos reading.
i'm piercing through yet another slick encasement and emerging as something more brisk, more honest.
i'm not sure what it is yet. but its intriguing and i like it.
from my mind and rush to form something extravagant
and great. i wonder how the letters i squish together,
to create statements, are actually perceived.
i'm always thinking my grammar is never quite right
and i put commas in every illegal place.
i wonder if everyone is as finicky as me, and if they
look past my words to tackle my mistakes.
i just want to be a brilliant writer.
but i'm not sure that i'm even slightly close to it.
my arms are always stretched out, fingers reaching for perfection relentlessly.
at the same time, my mind is always reminding me that there is no such thing.
my heart wants to pour out hot gossip going on between my soul and intellect.
spill it like fresh blood on the page where my art is born.
i don't know who or what it is that gets my heart cranking but it is, indeed.
it's gonna blow and i know it.
splashing emotions and secrets across a screen
only to wipe them all up and take the right back in
like they had never been sprawled out all over the page.
i feel different. i think i want something more. i don't care Whos reading.
i'm piercing through yet another slick encasement and emerging as something more brisk, more honest.
i'm not sure what it is yet. but its intriguing and i like it.
Judy Garland on Love
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”
Sarcasm and Defensiveness
Here's the thing, when you are asked a question, respond with an honest answer. I have found that people when they are lying usually do one of two things, act sarcastic or get defensive then get mad and you have a fight. Truth is if they just responded without being hostile or a smartass, there would be no fight. For example a friend of mine when asked a question, for example, "Did you fuck so and so?" they would reply with a "Yeah,a nd like 10 other people at the same time." That was his way of not lying, but making you feel stupid for asking and getting around the question. Secondly, being defensive, if there is no problem then why blow up on someone and yell at them about how they are crazy and you can't believe them etc. Again, this is a tactic to avoid a question and make the other person out to be a bad guy. Sometimes people do act that way and aren'tlying,but when they have developed a habit of using those tactics to get out of unwanted questioning you always assume they are lying when they do it. SO helpful hints: Don't do anything you don't want to answer for or you feel you'd have to lie about. Secondly, don't ever lie in the first place. It creates uneeded strain on a relationship and makes your partner feel betrayed and unloved.
Tips To Fighting Right
Almost all couples fight; the secret is to fight right. Here are some phrases that actually help.
Say something like “I need you to listen. This is important to me.”
Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated. [Always, my craving for gold stars!]
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Let’s take a break for a few minutes. [If you can remember to do this, it’s extremely effective – especially if you’re having a big fight. After a break, it’s almost impossible to go back to yelling.]
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Say something like “I need you to listen. This is important to me.”
Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated. [Always, my craving for gold stars!]
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Let’s take a break for a few minutes. [If you can remember to do this, it’s extremely effective – especially if you’re having a big fight. After a break, it’s almost impossible to go back to yelling.]
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Happiness Quotes
"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
Four Truths
First: To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
~William Butler Yeats. “Happiness,” wrote Yeats, “is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
Third: The days are long, but the years are short.
Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
~William Butler Yeats. “Happiness,” wrote Yeats, “is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
Third: The days are long, but the years are short.
Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.
Out Here On My Own
I'm trying to find something to base my life upon,
Something in this strange world that goes on and on.
As the years go by and time fades away,
What used to be “good days” are now filled with dismay.
Tomorrow comes, and then again, it goes,
And my ambition to become something more, grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
The life I want now, gets closer each day.
All I've ever wanted was something to live for,
I don't want to be this little person anymore.
I've been basing my life upon what others think,
I wish I could go back and redo everything, every time an eye would blink.
I've fought to become who I am and what I want to be,
I have to remind my self that one day, I will be free.
Free from the rules I followed as a child,
When everything was a game and life was so mild.
Now times have changed and I realize nothing is fair,
And sometimes it seems like nobody even cares.
It's like no one pays attention to what I feel is best for me,
And what I think about the way some things should be.
I understand now, that I'm pretty much on my own,
And I know a lot of what I can do will never be known.
All the time, I think about everything I can't say, what I have to keep in,
And by doing this, my thoughts only get more complicated and deepen.
Soon I hope to find out who I am, and what I am meant to become,
I want to know where I'm going, I don't need to be reminded of where I came from.
Something in this strange world that goes on and on.
As the years go by and time fades away,
What used to be “good days” are now filled with dismay.
Tomorrow comes, and then again, it goes,
And my ambition to become something more, grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
The life I want now, gets closer each day.
All I've ever wanted was something to live for,
I don't want to be this little person anymore.
I've been basing my life upon what others think,
I wish I could go back and redo everything, every time an eye would blink.
I've fought to become who I am and what I want to be,
I have to remind my self that one day, I will be free.
Free from the rules I followed as a child,
When everything was a game and life was so mild.
Now times have changed and I realize nothing is fair,
And sometimes it seems like nobody even cares.
It's like no one pays attention to what I feel is best for me,
And what I think about the way some things should be.
I understand now, that I'm pretty much on my own,
And I know a lot of what I can do will never be known.
All the time, I think about everything I can't say, what I have to keep in,
And by doing this, my thoughts only get more complicated and deepen.
Soon I hope to find out who I am, and what I am meant to become,
I want to know where I'm going, I don't need to be reminded of where I came from.
10 Worst Mistakes To Make In A Relationship
Relationships are not great all the time, but there are things that you can do to avoid a disaster in yours. If you want to see that person for a long time, then you will have to follow a few tips on what not to do in your next relationship.
1. The Ex Factor
You will not be able to start a new relationship if you are still not over your last one. Ex's can ruin a really great thing, if you let them. Not to mention you should not be leading anyone on if you still have feelings for an ex. It starts the relationship off rocky, and it will not last.
2. The Big Three Words
Do not rush into saying I love you. Even if you feel it right away, it does not mean that you are ready to say it. You will probably scare them off, even if they feel the same way. Let the relationship blossom naturally. You will find the right time to say it, and it will be special. First, you need to keep them around long enough to say it.
3. Avoid Jealous Situations
We are all jealous at times. If it not over your bosses new car, then it is the fact that your boyfriend has an eye for blonds. It may make you really mad, but try to stay calm. Jealousy is something that you must work on. A little later in the relationship you can tell him it bothers you, but hey we are all human. It is not like he is asking for her number or anything. It shows you have confidence in yourself.
4. Never Cheat
This truely fucks things up. You can forgive cheating because people do it for different reasons, but it always hurts and it's never right to do no matter how you justify it. If you find yourself in a situation, talk to your partner.
5. Avoid Dwelling
By this I mean you cannot dwell on the past, or make assumptions about the future. Live in the present day, and do not take them for granted. If you are too worried about what might happen, or blame them for what has, you will never have the successful relationship that you are looking for in life. Live everyday like it is your last together; this will make you truly appreciate each other.
6. Friends Do Not Let Friends Run Relationships
Yes of course they are your friends, but that does not mean they have a say in what happens between you and your partner. Do not talk badly about their friends and hopefully they will have the same respect for you. You have to be careful not to lose your relationship with your friends as well. Relationships are time consumers, but your friends should always be able to rely on you.
7. The Change Issue
Never try to change who your partners is. That is why you fell in love with them, so why would you want to change them. It is not your responsibility to change them. If they do need to change, they have to do it on their own, so do not even try.
8. The Communication Key
Communication is the key to the success of any relationship. You must be prepared to tell them what is on your mind, and expect just that in return. If you do not, you will slowly notice the relationship start to deteriorate. Many people think communication is not a necessity, but it surely is if you want the relationship to last.
9. The Blame Game
Avoid blaming each other for problems that exist in your relationship. Really it is both of your problems, because you are a couple. You should be there for each other though the hard times, not constantly pointing fingers at each other. Any problems you have should be faced together. Why would you be together if you treat aspects of your life as a single person.
10. Do Not Feel It Anymore
Do not worry, this happens to a lot of people. However, you cannot lead them on any longer, or make them think that you are still in love. Sometimes when you are together, and you are strong in the beginning, then you will notice that the love will fade. Now of course do not think just because you are having a hard time, it does not mean that you are not in love anymore. Make sure your feelings are completely gone, before you make any rash decisions.
So there you have it. These 10 mistakes will leave your relationship empty, and eventually the relationship will end as a result. If you notice you are doing a few of these things, then try to change your behavior before it is too late. Trust me, I am the king of learning from mistakes.
1. The Ex Factor
You will not be able to start a new relationship if you are still not over your last one. Ex's can ruin a really great thing, if you let them. Not to mention you should not be leading anyone on if you still have feelings for an ex. It starts the relationship off rocky, and it will not last.
2. The Big Three Words
Do not rush into saying I love you. Even if you feel it right away, it does not mean that you are ready to say it. You will probably scare them off, even if they feel the same way. Let the relationship blossom naturally. You will find the right time to say it, and it will be special. First, you need to keep them around long enough to say it.
3. Avoid Jealous Situations
We are all jealous at times. If it not over your bosses new car, then it is the fact that your boyfriend has an eye for blonds. It may make you really mad, but try to stay calm. Jealousy is something that you must work on. A little later in the relationship you can tell him it bothers you, but hey we are all human. It is not like he is asking for her number or anything. It shows you have confidence in yourself.
4. Never Cheat
This truely fucks things up. You can forgive cheating because people do it for different reasons, but it always hurts and it's never right to do no matter how you justify it. If you find yourself in a situation, talk to your partner.
5. Avoid Dwelling
By this I mean you cannot dwell on the past, or make assumptions about the future. Live in the present day, and do not take them for granted. If you are too worried about what might happen, or blame them for what has, you will never have the successful relationship that you are looking for in life. Live everyday like it is your last together; this will make you truly appreciate each other.
6. Friends Do Not Let Friends Run Relationships
Yes of course they are your friends, but that does not mean they have a say in what happens between you and your partner. Do not talk badly about their friends and hopefully they will have the same respect for you. You have to be careful not to lose your relationship with your friends as well. Relationships are time consumers, but your friends should always be able to rely on you.
7. The Change Issue
Never try to change who your partners is. That is why you fell in love with them, so why would you want to change them. It is not your responsibility to change them. If they do need to change, they have to do it on their own, so do not even try.
8. The Communication Key
Communication is the key to the success of any relationship. You must be prepared to tell them what is on your mind, and expect just that in return. If you do not, you will slowly notice the relationship start to deteriorate. Many people think communication is not a necessity, but it surely is if you want the relationship to last.
9. The Blame Game
Avoid blaming each other for problems that exist in your relationship. Really it is both of your problems, because you are a couple. You should be there for each other though the hard times, not constantly pointing fingers at each other. Any problems you have should be faced together. Why would you be together if you treat aspects of your life as a single person.
10. Do Not Feel It Anymore
Do not worry, this happens to a lot of people. However, you cannot lead them on any longer, or make them think that you are still in love. Sometimes when you are together, and you are strong in the beginning, then you will notice that the love will fade. Now of course do not think just because you are having a hard time, it does not mean that you are not in love anymore. Make sure your feelings are completely gone, before you make any rash decisions.
So there you have it. These 10 mistakes will leave your relationship empty, and eventually the relationship will end as a result. If you notice you are doing a few of these things, then try to change your behavior before it is too late. Trust me, I am the king of learning from mistakes.
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